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Skies

by hailfabio 

Posted: 06 June 2006
Word Count: 25
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Looks like
The skies are changing,
my mind is raging,
hoping my skies aren't falling.
Hoping my skies aren't failing,
they can't fail me now.






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Comments by other Members



Ambitions of Lisa at 13:00 on 06 June 2006  Report this post
I haven't been on here for a while.... but I see your work is still going strong. Keep it up.. I always enjoy the read ;)

Might try to join another poetry group again.

Lis
x
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NinaLara at 19:27 on 06 June 2006  Report this post
I know the feeling!
Nina
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radavies1uk at 22:45 on 06 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Ste

I like the sense of despair in this. I must confess however, I can't tell if you're despairing at something in particular, or just at the chaos of life in general?

Cheers
Bob
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Account Closed at 09:19 on 09 June 2006  Report this post
Like the anger and despair of this. How about even more bleakness, as in cutting the first line:

The skies are changing;
my mind is raging,
hoping my skies aren't falling.

Hoping my skies aren't failing;
they can't fail me now.


Love it.

A
xxx
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smudger at 05:06 on 14 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Steven,

I had an image of you shaking your fist at the sky, like Moses in an old movie with Charlton Heston in it. I agree with Anne that it could have greater impact by losing the first line. :)

Tony
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Beanie Baby at 20:32 on 28 June 2006  Report this post
hoping my skies aren't falling

Hoping my skies aren't failing

- very deep and profound these two lines. You change just one letter in one word and the whole meaning changes with it. Feel this really came from your heart and I love it.
Beanie
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hailfabio at 10:59 on 29 June 2006  Report this post
Thanx for the comments.

I think the first line sets the tone, of uncertainty and of course despair. Maybe it weakens the poem but is it supposed to.

I was thinking of gradual changes in life, moving on - when I wrote this.

Cheers
Stephen
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