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The Cat in the Rain

by Brian Aird 

Posted: 05 July 2007
Word Count: 133


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Listen; hear it talk
it gurgles in drains
rattles at windows
and pitter patters on shiny slates

It roams over hills
its dark cloak swirling
filling rivers to the brim
and then to overflowing

Down in the town
uninvited, it enters
though doors are closed
and windows shut

Rivers turn to sudden lakes,
the high street is submerged,
suburbia becomes a flood plain,
and dinghies take the townsfolk away

But you remain warm and dry
a prisoner in a water world
ensconced in a cushion
curled up in dreams

When you wake and stretch
and wander down the stairs
only you will smell death
floating in the living room

But your cries will not be heard
and you will not dine again
until fish in jelly and cream
are on the menu again






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 17:31 on 05 July 2007  Report this post
Brian, this is a brilliant idea! The metaphors in the first stanza draw us in, having read the title, then gradually the realisation hits.

This is wonderful! I am so impressed!!

joanie

Account Closed at 08:27 on 06 July 2007  Report this post
I agree with Joanie - a lovely poem! Good sense of bleakness and punchy too.

A
xxx

V`yonne at 10:26 on 06 July 2007  Report this post
I love this too. I would hone the language down - get rid of some of the 'and's

and an 'again' in the last stanza

curled up in dreams


what a brilliant cat metaphor!

Brian Aird at 12:09 on 07 July 2007  Report this post
Thanks all for the comments; I agree about the repeated 'again'. It now bothers me too; mainly because I hadn't been trying to ryhme at all. (again >> once more?) or just 'back on the menu'?

That'll teach me to post without editing first! (though I personally don't mind good crit and actually like to put up work in progress. I guess I view WW as a much needed alternative to my local writer's circle; (Basingstoke Scribblers) which I don't attend since my back's been bad)

Brian



joolsk at 18:13 on 07 July 2007  Report this post
Hi Brian,

I was very impressed by this; the way you contrasted domestic settings with something more abstract and bigger. Like other readers I love the cat metaphor.

One suggested change to pare this down and make it a little slicker:

and pitter patters on shiny slates


I'd remove pitter and just leave in patter.

Look forward to reading more of your work.

Jools

Brian Aird at 20:39 on 07 July 2007  Report this post
I like the suggestions here, they work! (patters it is).

Thanks Jools

Brian

Beanie Baby at 21:10 on 10 July 2007  Report this post
This is really good! I must admit I often wonder what does happen to animals when the family home is flooded or hit by some other catastrophy (no pun intended) and this poem touches on that really well. It is clever that you don't reveal the shock util the very end. Loved it.


Beanie

Ticonderoga at 13:17 on 29 August 2007  Report this post
Can only agree - very mysterious and beguiling, leaving a tang od sadness in the air at the end. Fine piece.


Best,

T

foundit at 10:01 on 26 September 2007  Report this post
My humble comments.
This is very good a poem of our times
building the drama then coming down to normality.
I enjoyed it very much.

All the best
Joe.


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