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Hot chilli love

by Brian Aird 

Posted: 04 October 2007
Word Count: 52
Summary: Not sure if this works...


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Hot chilli love

letís take our vows anew
a culinary tryst
can never cool
letís wine and dine and feast

only oysters know
our chilli-chocolate zones
such gourmet delights
of nature's pearls we own

if love be old
it still rings true
if youth be gone
love's hot spice is ever new






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 21:42 on 04 October 2007  Report this post
Hi Brian - Well, it's dead sexy and very romantic at the same time. So I'd say so!
You could tighten the first stanza:

lets make our vows anew
a culinary tryst
can never cool
lets wine and dine and feast

You could lose the 'for' and the 'such' in the second too if you wanted and the 'and's in the last. It reads well that way and it has more 'burst' if you know what I mean BUT
our chilli-chocolate zones
gourmet delights of
nature's pearls we own
Ooooooooh tingle!

Account Closed at 15:04 on 05 October 2007  Report this post
Lovely and spicy! I can still taste this one. And I agree with V'yonne's comments above. I'd also be tempted to put the floating "of" in front of "nature's" instead of after "delights": that way it disappears in the start of the line. But that's just me.

A
xxx

V`yonne at 16:17 on 05 October 2007  Report this post
No, Good point HollyB. I agree too.

rmol1950 at 11:10 on 13 October 2007  Report this post
Hi Brian
liked this very much and agree with Oonah and Anne's comments. The last stanza is my favourite. It flows beautifully.
regards
Richard

Beanie Baby at 22:10 on 17 October 2007  Report this post
Yum-yum!! Loved it!
Beanie.


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