The Couple in the Pub


She tells him he is no Brad Pitt,
But we all know she is no Angelina.
The only things she has in common
are the tattoos, and the Children
who call her Mum, and different men Dad.

She tells him that he is embarrassment
in a voice that would give a car alarm
a run for its money in shrillness.

She tells him that she is meeting Shelly and Tracy
so he better not say anything.
Hours pass, and she, Shelly and Tracey
are three sheets to the wind,
and making the type of lewd comments,
even Sid James would turn down.

They talk about inflation,
and how you don’t get many of
those to the pound,
And they should know,
those they expect to pick them up,
already know the cost.

The Bar man rings his bell,
and says Last orders
even he wants an early night.

She tells him he is no Brad Pitt,
but her eyes are blod-shot,
and she says her legs don’t go
where she tells them to.