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Chemistry

by Elsie 

Posted: 06 October 2009
Word Count: 151


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You were the one that took copious notes,
the studious one at the front,
while I was the bad boy fidgeting at the back,

staring at the nape of your neck -
the curled line of hair that made me think
of a Labradorís belly -

that teased at the edge of your fine,
stiff, white collar; your mother
clearly a higher class than mine.

I pretended to smoke sticks of bracken
as we set up our experiment,
unleashed from the classroom by the heat.

Now, the tin lilies I place by your headstone
will last longer than the fleshy, living kind,
letting rivulets of burnt sienna run to the earth,

the same hue as the sticky smear
left on the porcelain crucible when you and I
burned out in a flash of Prussian blue and magenta

and I wiped my hands on the stiff white lab coat
and turned away.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 20:30 on 06 October 2009  Report this post
What an excellent response Elsie and so quickly too! I particularly loved

Now, the tin lilies I place by your headstone
will last longer than the fleshy, living kind,
letting rivulets of burnt sienna run to the earth,


Can almost smell the rust and see the stain. 11 out of 10 I'd say...

joanie at 22:41 on 06 October 2009  Report this post
Wonderful, Elsie. This transported me at first to school days, experiments, feelings long forgotten.....

You have such a skill with final lines! I had forgotten this was a response to an exercise!

Just fantastic.

joanie

FelixBenson at 18:06 on 07 October 2009  Report this post
Yes - those final lines are quite devastating.
Fantastic use of details and colour esp.

...you and I
burned out in a flash of Prussian blue and magenta


Very strong poem. Like Joanie - I forgot it came from an exercise.

Kirsty

Nella at 20:34 on 08 October 2009  Report this post
This is excellent, Elsie. A really strong, wonderful poem. The way he looks up to the other boy, his feeling of inferiority, and then of guilt. Really well done!
Robin


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