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The Shape of Dreams

by Cliff Hanger 

Posted: 01 August 2017
Word Count: 79
Summary: I started reading 'A Sky Full of Birds' by Matt Merrit and I read the first line as 'I dream in birds' because I'm permanently tired I read it wrong and of course it was 'I dream of birds' but I began thinking it was an interesting idea to dream in birds. The shape of them rather than the subject matter and a bit disturbing too which fit the interference notion. I have ideas on how to improve it but just posting in original.


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Interference
 
Do you ever dream in birds?
 
Folding along the slow wave
of a murmuration
then moving into
the free-fall of a gannet’s plunge.
A long grey tail tilting around
the edges of consciousness
keeps just out of sight
of the ghost owls
swooping in and out.
The rasping corncrake
sends its messages
but they’re drowned out
by the whisper
of a gull’s outspread wing.
 
Do you ever dream in birds?
Can you tell me what it means?
 






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 17:16 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Ooh, I think this is lovely.  When reading it aloud, it I feel like I am almost swaying like a bird in flight. It really does flow well.  I particularly enjoyed the images of ghost owls and the whisper of the gull's outstretched wing.  It is very evocative and dream-like too!

I wonder if you could lose the last line completely and end on the repetition, or is that too much (or too little!)?

Joan

Cliff Hanger at 17:53 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Thanks Joan,

Yes perhaps that last line should go.

Jane

Thomas Norman at 18:44 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Hi Jane,

I love birds and this has the feel: for me. that you were hoping to convey. It is almost ghostly and certainly interference is there.

There are some great lines and images. I like

 Folding along the slow wave
of a murmuration

A long grey tail tilting around
the edges of consciousness

but they’re drowned out
by the whisper
of a gull’s outspread wing.

I don't think you could improve it much, often that initial creativity can be diluted by tinkering.
I do agree the final line is out of place but should be retained. Perhaps  like so.

Can you tell me what it means, and do you ever
Dream in birds.

Generally though I love it!

Thomas



Cliff Hanger at 19:13 on 01 August 2017  Report this post
Thanks Thomas,

That's an interesting suggestion re the last line. Worth considering.

I can recommend Matt's work if you love birds. He's the editor of Birding magazine and a poet himself. 

Jane


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