“This is never going to work,” Harry mumbled, stamping his feet in the cold.
“Ye of little faith!” Norm replied rubbing his hands in joy as the two of them waited for the door to be answered.

A witch, complete with pointy hat, appeared in the doorway a minute later staring at the two men quizzically.
“Yes? Can I help you?”
Norm nudged Harry in the ribcage.
“Uh, hello. I’m Harry, this is Norm. We’re here for the party.”
The witch showed no signs of letting them through the door, nor any recognition that there was a big sign on the window saying ‘Happy Halloween’. Norm nudged Harry again.
“We’re friends of David?” Harry tried.
“I don’t know any David,” the witch said, dully folding her arms.

Norm and Harry looked at one another again before hearing a door open behind the witch, and a large jovial man dressed as a pirate came bounding towards them.
“Norm! Harry! So good to see you! Glad you could come! Come on Aggi; let them in let them in!”
The witch moved reluctantly to one side allowing Norm and Harry to timidly pass by. She closed the front door and followed them all into the living room where the party was in full swing.

“You look absolutely splendid chaps! I’d say you’re in with a good chance of winning the best fancy dress prize we have going! Wherever did you get such marvellous demon costumes?”
Harry turned to Norm who looked like he was trying not to laugh. David looked at them both blinking the eye that wasn’t hidden beneath a black patch.
“Oh you know, just things we had lying around from other parties we’ve been to,” Norm replied.
David nodded enthusiastically whilst Harry raised his eyes to heaven. Behind them the witch meandered over to where some vampires were bobbing for apples. Plonking herself into an armchair she observed their efforts, occasionally glancing over at Norm and Harry.

“Well enjoy yourselves! I have to go and see to some warlocks in the kitchen. Apparently they’ve become trapped inside their costumes.”
David bustled off leaving Norm and Harry to study their surroundings.
“Remember Norm, we’re here to nick a few souls. The last thing I want is to be tied to a stake and burnt to a crisp like last year!”
Norm turned to his worried companion.
“When have I ever let you down? Don’t worry! I’m just going to mingle a bit, check the place out, and maybe have a bit of fun.”
“No possessions!” Harry snarled.
“Who me?” Norm replied, innocently raising his arms before grinning and moving off to where a vampire was being slapped hard on the back and coughing up water.

The evening seemed to go fairly well. Harry had decided to ignore Norm and get on with the job of finding some nice souls for them both to suck dry. Norm for his part, behaved fairly well. He caused an argument between a married couple, convincing the wife that her husband was cheating on her. He also managed to upset the local parish priest by claiming that Jesus may have been the Son of God, but that he was born out of wedlock - divine, but definitely a bastard. Nothing too terrible, for Norm that is.

It wasn’t until ten o’clock arrived that Harry came across the smell of a rich soul. He hurried over to Norm who was busy expounding the pros of artificial contraception to a Catholic.
“I’ve found a beauty!” he whispered pulling his friend away from the shocked woman and toward the kitchen.
“Damn it Harry, this had better be good! I nearly had her convinced on trying strawberry flavoured condoms with her husband.”
Harry ignored his friend’s griping and pushed open the door to the kitchen.

They were surprised to see the witch who had blocked their earlier entry, standing behind a table with her arms folded.
“Hello again!” Norm said cheerfully.
The witch didn’t respond. She just glanced at them with something akin to boredom in her eyes.
“Sorry, must have taken a wrong turn,” Harry said looking around for the source of the soul he had smelt.
“Kitchen’s closed boys,” the witch said.
“Oh don’t worry. We’re just looking for a little snack. We won’t be long I assure you,” Norm replied grinning evilly through yellowed teeth.

The witch unfolded her arms and moved around the table to face them both.
“I said the kitchen’s closed,” and with a speed that took them by surprise lifted Norm and Harry up by the neck. With a lazy movement she tossed them out through the back door, which opened by itself as they sailed through. Norm and Harry landed in a heap and before they had a chance to know what was happening, found themselves lifted into mid air by an invisible force.

“You should have taken the earlier hint gentlemen. Stupid demons! Always picking the wrong parties to crash. The soul you smelt is mine and no one else’s!”
The witch clapped her hands. Instantly both Harry and Norm burst into flames and were reduced to dust before they had a chance to scream. The witch smiled briefly at the small piles of ash, a glint of red in her eyes.
“Aggi? What are you doing out here?”
The witch spun round to face David whose eye patch had fallen off. He was standing at the back door, blinking curiously and looking a little worse for wear. She smiled at him before walking forward linking her arm through his.
“Just taking out the rubbish darling. How about we retire upstairs for a while. There’s this new massage technique I’ve been itching to try out.”
David grinned and leered at her chest as they strolled inside.
“Will I like it?” he asked moving a hand over her backside.
The witch smiled thinly as she led him upstairs.
“Darling, it’s to die for.”

© John Allen 2006