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A short fantasy piece (not finished, two parts) dire need of help!

by  Tobie

Posted: Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Word Count: 1611
Summary: Tau has lost his family as well as his will to stay in the tedious jungles of his homeland. He experiences an amazing vision while praying in a temple in his hometown of Oka Tyon. He believes his destiny lies in the lands of the north - away from the horrible memories of the past and towards a new future.

Hey - I have 2 sections to the story. Section 1 is very much proofread. It would be fabulous if you could critique(harshly please) the second section.

Part one:

A cacophony of panicked noises echoed throughout the jungle, triggering the hurried scuttling of unknown creatures hidden within the undergrowth. The animals all watched, either for prey or for predators. The monkeys spotted a particularly fearsome predator – an alien looking invader on two feet carrying two shiny sticks. With their natural agility, they swung through the vines and creepers in the opposite direction of the predator in an orgy of screaming and screeching.
That particular predator, as the tree dwellers had not realised posed no danger to them.
He was on a quest.

Neither for food nor for the savage excitement of the hunt, but a quest to find his destiny.

In the temple of Okah Tyoma, in his village of birth Okah Ton, whilst praying at the altar to the god of winter; Tau's mind had been filled by a bright, vivid vision.

He saw lands of bleak icy tundra’s, of frozen rivers and lakes - the land of the dead. It was rumoured that nothing grew there, that wild men of massive height preyed on the few beasts there, and that the wild men also served as the beast's quarry. He knew from that moment that his duty was to travel to the lands of the ever frozen for a reason he did not know.

Tau knew that the jungle held no future for him - if he stayed, he would get sucked into the mundane stupor of the Sidoian’s way of life. His family had all been murdered by Striata raiders while far into the jungle gathering food, his property razed to the ground and his children taken to the slave markets. He knew that staying in the ancient city of Tenichacao - that was further in land in the deep jungles - would cast him in an everlasting sorrow from the daily reminder that his family had been murdered in that very place.

So there he was, trekking through the dense shrubbery and vines, hacking and slashing at the plants that seemed to tangle around him and pull him back to the jungle, back to his home. His two scimitars gleamed with the gore of plants and vines, like his forehead glistened from the humidity of the jungle. For days Tau trekked, eating little else nothing but the plants and roots of his native land.

Finally, almost driven to delirium by lack of water and claustrophobia, Tau realised the jungle was starting to change. Stumbling through vines, half drunk with exhaustion, Tau came on what appeared to be an endless clearing. He had never seen anything of the like.

One moment, he was caught in the tenacious grips of vines and creepers, the next moment he was free! In a vast expanse of moorland, where the grasses and plants clung on to the soil from fear of being plucked out by the violent and unpredictable winds that swept over the weather-beaten lands.

The sun was dozily drooping in the sky, sleepy from its days work. It rewarded all the inhabitants of the day by painting the exposed plains a luscious golden tinge. He breathed in, and the rich aroma of wild heather rose into his nostrils. The air was filled with the vibes of freedom and adventure. Looking over his shoulder to where his home would have been; Tau-ir doubled his pace, and knew he had to find his destiny.

For his destiny would not find him. His story had just begun...

Part 2:

The solemn howls of wild wolves dominated the foothills that night. Clinging tenaciously to his thin blanket, Tau desperately poked at the fire, causing it to retaliate with an explosion of sparks and flames.

He sat shivering in a small cave, where water dripped down from magnificent stalactites, and strange scuttling noises could be heard further in the cavern complex. ‘At least the place is a refuge from that damned wind’ Tau thought to himself.

The temperature in the Boleian grasslands is generally mild, but the winds blowing in from the Kadian circle causes the temperature to drop drastically. For days, Tau had trekked in a vague northbound direction, not completely trusting his mapping skills.

He had battled against the powerful winds that dominated this otherwise desolate region in his quest to the lands of the Kallard.

Now, he sat in a dank and filthy cave, not knowing when he could get out. Reflecting on his epiphany, he somewhat regretted travelling from the jungle. It was dangerous and hot, but it didn’t compare to the misery of this place. Glancing around, filled with paranoia, Tau curled into a foetal position and put his hands closer to the fire. Bats flitted in and out of the cave, their movements creating shadows that danced over the walls, making them seem more menacing than they really were. After a short while, Tau’s eyes started to droop and, within moments, he was asleep.

The pattering of heavy rain on bare rock roused Tau from his slumber. Noxious fumes of ammonia caused him to crinkle his nose, semi-conscious. Tau drifted back to sleep, lulled by the rhythmic sound of rain. Splash! A much louder noise woke Tau this time.

He rose up unsteadily, balancing himself on the side of the cave. Drawing a single scimitar, Tau cautiously crept to the cave entrance. A smell more vile than the bat droppings wafted from outside. He put his head down and spat. A large footprint was imprinted in the wet mud. ‘Probably mountain lions...’ Tau thought to himself. Glancing around outside just to make sure, a hairy figure caught his eye.

Standing near seven foot tall was a great gargantuan beast. Its fur plastered to its body, yellow teeth glinting like daggers. The thing panted, its eyes showing a deeply disturbing malevolence. Not a mountain lion...a mountain yeti. Tau backed off, rehearsing melee drills in his head.

A great rumbling roar escaped the beast’s throat, causing the bats to dart out of the cave in a swarm of panic. It bashed at its chest furiously at Tau, bellowing as it did so. Acknowledging the challenge, he walked into the raging tempest where the beast stood, ready. The rain stung Tau’s skin with cold and sheer force. His bronze skin gleamed golden in the rain.

This creature wouldn’t stand in his way. The beast still stood there in a ready position, water trickling down its dirt-covered, protruding belly. Tau started to sprint, scimitar raised in striking position. As he closed in on the yeti, it charged him with blinding speed, knocking Tau unconscious. The scimitar fell, clanking on some rocks nearby.

Tau doubled over in pain, his stomach battered and bruised from the force of the yeti. It neared him, ready to finish the nuisance off. The creature lifted a rock, and just as it raised it above its head to crush the human, Tau rolled left and grabbed his sword.

Jumping up with equally blinding speed, he quickly slashed at the yeti’s shoulder with a quick downward backhand strike. The finely crafted scimitar given to Tau from the great blacksmith Vorgan had done its job well. The creature’s arm fell limp onto the rock which it had held, painting the ground a deep crimson colour.

A blood-curdling screech tore at Tau’s eardrums, causing him to hold his hands over his head. Just as Tau paced over to the beast to finish it off, it turned at him with a frenzied look. The beast charged Tau once again, but this time he was ready. Holding his scimitar in two hands horizontally, he slashed at the yeti’s chest, causing blood and gore to explode like confetti. The torso of the beast thumped to the ground, causing a great splash of pink water to cover him.

Tau looked disdainfully at the filthy creature, wiping his scimitar on his robes as he did so. Blood spurted out of the gaping hole in its chest, trickling down onto the mud, where it travelled down the now flooded slope.
As the adrenaline wore off, Tau felt the pain increase tenfold. Clutching his stomach in agony, Tau limped back to the cave and gathered his belongings, placing them into his linen bag.

Leaving as soon as possible was a priority – he didn’t know if he could go through another fight with his bruised chest.

As Tau walked back out of the cave with his gear, he noticed how the storm had changed. It was furiously tearing at the tenacious shrubs and trees and gathering water from the flood.

A great whirlwind of debris, water and mud now formed, ominous and immense in the sky. Just as the rain seemed to stop and the tornado retreated, the storm let forth a deafening roar as thousands of gallons of floodwater was released from the sky. One moment, Tau stood at the entrance to the cave, watching the storm warily. The next moment, the land turned to a violent and frothing sea. Water gushed into the cave, causing Tau to fall to his back. He was caught in the powerful current, which swept him further into the gloomy cavern.

He desperately grabbed out at the sides of the cave, but to no avail. The struggle was over. His journey would end here. He gave up the fight, and felt his inner voice become fainter. Drifting...floating in and out of consciousness. A great relief took hold as all he knew, all he felt and saw, turned black.

Thanks for reading.