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Animation script: Memoirs of a Bar Steward cartoon

by  The Bar Stward

Posted: Monday, November 11, 2013
Word Count: 4943
Summary: My studio has been asked to pitch a animation to a production company in Hollywood. This is our first draft. Some of the dialogue needs improving but at the moment I would just like to know what you think of the general script. Thank you We will be making an animatic (storyboard with audio, so they won't see the script, hence if its not formatted 100% correctly, its okay) The Bar stewards is a surreal cartoon comedy about 3 lads who run a bar in a strange seaside town.


Scene 1

The bar. The walls are covered in blood. Suddenly someone sits up into view fast.

Curly: Ahhh!

Millers eyes half open.

Miller: Shuttup Curly, I'm trying to sleep here

Curly: My leg!

Miller: Shut ya lumpy face!

Curly: But it's gone!

Curly looks at Miller and seeís he is using a leg as a pillow

Curly: Argh! Give it back Miller.

Miller: (sleepily mutters) But its such comfy comfy pillow!.

They both look at the leg for a couple of seconds then Curly makes a grab for it.

CURLY: Ahhhh!

They fight for the leg (with pathetic little effort on Millers part) and Curly snatches it.

Curly then tries to put the leg back on but it doesn't seem to match, the foot is facing the wrong way. Curly, whilst trying to reattach his leg, nudges another body off of him and seeís that his other leg is missing!

Curly: Ahhh!

Curly looks at Miller and seeís he has another leg as a pillow

Curly: Gimme the other one!

Miller: You've already got one!

They start pulling the leg between em again. The final head appears and we see Jacob appear, looking at the bar in shock horror (JAWS camera effect, bloody bar spins around his POV until it settles on Miller and Curly tug of warring over leg)

Jacob: (SLOW MO) What the.....................

Curly: He's got me leg Jacob!

Miller: I had it first.

Jacob grabs the leg.

Jacob: (Groans) Give it here! Not one is aving it!....

(Jacob walks off, leg in hand, inspecting the bar)

Jacob: (Jacob rubs head, and slowly and forcefully says) Can anyone remember what happened last night?


Jacob: Someone wake this lot up and get'em outta here! I hope we made some good money last night!

Miller lifts up a couple of severed heads and sarcastically tries to wake them. (AD-LIB)

MILLER: He said he's not going

Jacob: Geezus...................I hope that isnít one of our regulars! Dads gonna go mental when he seeís all this.

Jacob is checking the til (no money)

CURLY: (crawls into shot quietly, pauses, then shouts) MY LEGS

Jacob roles eyes

Miller: Hey Jacob, why don't you check the Cctv? (says Miller using head like a squeaky voiced muppet over Jacobs shoulder)

Jacob ignores him but taps his chin in a thoughtful manner

Jacob: We should check the cctv. Get our explanation for Dad ready.

Curly: Find out what happened to my legs man! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEGS!

Jacob: What?

Curly: MY LEGS! I've lost my legs!

Jacob: There not lost, one's in your hand, and you can av the other back later when've calm down!


Jacob: To the CCTV lads

Miller and Jacob run off Batman and Robin style, then we see Curly slowly pulling himself along.

Scene 2 Cctv room. One big throne like chair sits in front of the cctv screen. On the cctv we see 4 camera angles: the kitchen, the office, the lounge, the bar)

Jacob saunters in holding the leg, he realises he still has it and so he puts it down on the table. He sits in the throne chair and Miller follows in behind. big red buttons with basic play rewind can be seen, a very simple system easily at hands reach. Jacob looks at it confused. Miller stands behind (maybe falling back asleep). Miller watches Curly crawling in, clutching his one leg. Miller mutters 'I want my goddamn pillow back!'

Jacob: Curly, do you know how to use this thing (CCTV)

No response.

Jacob: Come on Curly, we need to find out what happened before me Dad gets up!

Curly slumps into the room, spots his other leg on the table and grabs for it, however, he uses a beer bottle bin to pull himself up but he tips over the glass bin, showering himself in stabbing shards but heís finally got his leg back.

Curly struggles over awkwardly as he's stuck his legs on the wrong way.

Camera zoom into the screen which rewinds quickly.


Miller is enthusiastically mixing a drink together in a bubbling, steamy cauldon, laughing manically as he tips in lots of different fluids.

While we see this happening we hear them talking in the cctv room while they watch.

Voice over Miller: Ahhh, my special brew, wicked man!

V.O Jacob: No, not wicked Miller.....

V.O Curly: Its your fault Miller, your bloody drink! I bet you tore my legs off

V.O Jacob: What? Shuttup Curly! No, look at all the stuff going into it, we'd never make any money on that! Curly change the camera view


Curly: Just press the... (curly points to the big red button in next to Jacobs hand)

Jacob: Christ Curly, do I have to do everything? Sort it. (Curly reaches over to press button but falls, then struggles to get back up to the desk. Just as he manages to pull himself up he starts to scream

Curly looks around and sees Miller is holding fire to the ends of his stumps.

Curly: What are you doing?

Miller: Healing the wound, Rambo style

Curly: No, no, no, I need to reattach my legs

Miller: Nah, have cool peg legs

Curly: I dont want cool peg legs

Miller: Come on man, be cool

Curly: Argh!

Jacob: Shhhh, shut up Curly. Miller, he isn't cool.

The view switches to camera 3, Curly is scrubbing the floor with a tiny brush. He's watching the big TV there which is showing a zombie film, flashing commerical comes on saying "HALLOWEEN 24 Hour Zombiefest!".

VOICE OVER Jacob: change the channel.

V.O Curly: But, I might see what happens to my.....

Jacob: Look in your own time, turn over!

Camera switches to screen 1. Jacob is sat at the bar counting his piles of money. On the other side of the bar is a drunk background customer.

Miller walks into the camera shot with the concoction. Jacob sees it, rolls his eyes.


Miller: My work is complete.

Jacob eyes the drink suspiciously.

Jacob: (WITH A SLOW GROAN) What's that?

Miller: My wicked new drink bro! One sip and your totally puff beared! People will love it

Jacob: That's no good, people needs to buy lots of beer, how do you think we make money!

Miller: Ha ha, well here's the magic. Total memory loss man, while they're totally puff beared, we'll steal all of their money, and the next day they'll think they spent it. Simples click click

Jacob: Hmmm, interesting. Whats in it? It won't kill anyone will it?

Miller: I'm not a doctor, lets test it......CURLY! Stop playing with your hamster and get over here

Curly appears and looks closer at the drink which pops loudly when he gets close.

CURLY: Is it safe?

MILLER: (In a caring manner) its perfectly safe friend (smiles)

Jacob: Just drink it Curly, we haven't got all day.

Miller pours a glass for Curly, the glass makes a cracking sound as the liquid pours in.

Curly drinks, nothing happens for a second then his head explodes/whatever way this put across. He runs off screaming.

Millers: look, he's having a good time

Jacob: We'lllllllllllllllll, he isnt dead, and he does look pretty lively

Miller: Yeah (ha ha) itís all gravy baby. Have a shot

Jacob: No.................

Miller shoves a shot glass into Jacobs open mouth

Jacob splutters

Jacob goes to say something to Miller but his face freezes before he can and his head smacks into the table, completely unconscious

MILLER: Hmmmm (he rubs his chin and looks at Jacob) I think this might need some more work! (Curly runs past, head still bursting with flames, sparks and smoke). Miller carries off cauldron.

Cut to Curly running into the lounge where the big screen tv is playing. The flames coming out of his head die down but his manner is still erratic/ crazy. He looks up at the TV, child like, simpleton and becomes transfixed on the screen. (Commercial plays) ZOMBIES ZOMBIES ZOMBIES. Curlys Face turns to horror!

Curly looks around, he sees shadows,


He hears noises


He seeís his own crazy reflection in Mirror


CURLY: Argh!!!!!!! The zombies are coming

Curly runs off.....................

Camera zooms out, the view goes black and white, then screen goes fuzzy. Its back to CCTV view

Jacob VOICE OVER: Fast forward to something happening

MONTAGE (Music kicks in)

Curly in Montage

MONTAGE VID 1 -Curly is seen boarding up and next to him are gas canisters labelled explosive
MONTAGE VID 2 -Carrying a beehive
MONTAGE VID 3 -Carrying a bunch of axes and knives
MONTAGE VID 4 -Curly hacks down a wooden pillar and carries it off

At the same time Miller appears in the same montage shots:

MONTAGE VID 1 -Miller is mixing his drink potion.
MONTAGE VID 2 -Miller gives a drink from his potion to the only customer at the bar. When he drinks it he falls off his stool dead. His ghost raises up and tries to fly away but Miller tries to grab it. You think he is putting it back in the body, but then pushes it into his potion.
MONTAGE VID 3 -Miller pours a drink from his potion into a glass, which comes to life in a puff of smoke, and like the Gingerbread man he runs off, with Miller trying to catch him
MONTAGE VID 4 -Miller looks around for another tester, but sees noone, so he gives a drink to the corpse, which springs back to life, but he isnít normal. he is zombified. Miller hides behind bar, Zombie jumps out of window

Jacob doesnt move at all throughout the montage footage

Tape resumes normal play speed

Jacob suddenly sits up. He looks terribly

Jacob: Need water.. water!

Miller fills up a pint glass with the concoction and slides it to Jacob.

Miller: Ere ya go mate

Jacob downs half the pint before staring at the murky liquid.

Jacob: Miller you fu..

Jacobs passes out again, Curly storms past carrying a long piece of rope, which is now criss-crossing all over the pub

JACOB VOICE OVER: Fast forward Curly.........stop!, I've woken up again

CCTV FOOTAGE blends back into normal view of the day before

Curly (to Jacob): I've done it

Jacob: (Wearily) Done what? Whats happened here?

Jacob looks at all the rope everywhere

Curly: No one can get in, we're protected from the zombies! (manic laugh)

Jacob: Zombies?

Curly: Were safe now, perfectly safe..he he ha ha

Jacob: Safe? Safe from Zombies?

Curly: They are out there, everywhere, they could be outside right now!

Jacob stumbles to a big window covered by a curtain, the boards here don't cover the whole window.

Jacob: Curly you moron. Thereís no Zombies.

Miller eyes the customer shape hole in the window nervously

Jacob: What the hell have you done to my pub?

Jacob swings back the curtains and outside is full of ghoulish zombies and creatures. They all scream.

CURLY: I told you, its been all over the TV!

Miller hits the ON button on the TV and it shows zombies

The lads scream again

CCTV of outside

Scene shows a hoard of zombies outside

Cut back to inside pub

Jacob shuts the curtains quickly and turns to Curly

Jacob: Come on then! Do something!

Miller smashes a chair and throws a leg to Jacob and Curly. Jacob catches the one chair leg, the second chair leg hits Curly in the groin and flips up and hits him in the head (knocking him over)

Miller: BRING IT ON!

Jacob: Turn the juke box on! LOUD!

MILLER: I know just the tune!

Miller switches on junkbox

Curly: (Sits up) What you turning that on for?

Jacob: Cos Zombies are scared of music!

A song plays loudly (Not the fight song yet, just club music)

Cut to outside, the blaring music attracts more revellers who press into the crowd outside the pub.

Cut back inside. Arms and legs are now coming through. Jacob is attacking the arms wildly. Miller runs over to the light switches and flicks them all on.

Miller: Light scares em!

Curly: No it doesn't!

Miller: Zombies hate sunlight!

Curly: Thatís vampires

Curly and Miller fight over the light switches, flicking them on and off.


Disco lights flash out of windows and music blares. It looks like a rave. The zombie horde numbers swells


Arms and legs start bursting through the windows and boarding

A trap door opens up and horrible looking zombies, with lumpy gooey faces, groaning, start to come out of it.

Jacob moves the pool table away from front door, and over the trap door

JACOB: Theyíre gonna get in. Where the hell is Dad?

MILLER: Weíre potato mash man!

Curly: Not yet weíre not

Curly picks up a fuse wire.

Curly: Get behind the bar quick!


Curly: (Confidentially) Just do it!

The three lads jump behind the bar and peak out

Lots of arms and legs are coming through the windows, door, and from under the pool table

Curly holds up a fuse wire. Jacob and Miller look frightened

CURLY: Donít be scared lads, thisíll takeíem out! I anticipated the zombie horde arrival and so Iíve left them a welcoming present ha ha ha (cut to shot of gas canisters strapped up above front door. The camera then follows fuse line back to curlys hand)

Curly lights the fuse and it sparks off. The flame travels all the way to the canisters outside


Curly dramatically pushes the lads to the floor and covers his ears

The flame gets to its destination and...................................puff. A tiny bang, just big enough to blow the front door open

The zombies stand in the doorway looking shocked for a second but then they start to scream, waving their arms and the they pile in


The pool table topples over and more zombies clambering into the bar via the cellar door


JACOB: I canít go like this, the world needs me! Iím your leader lads, protect me with your lives!

Miller looks at Jacob, and then bites him, drawing blood. He then waves Jacobs arm in the air

MILLER: Eat him first!


Jacob and Miller start biting each other

CURLY: Donít fear! For there is more! (Curly highlights this by flicking the tight rope he has crisscrossing all over the pub)

Curly smashes a bottle and cuts the rope , which causes a bag of hammers to drop. Jacob and Miller look on in amazement

CURLY: What for it!

the hammers dislodges a log which rolls down along two pieces of rope, over the heads of the zombies, and knocks over a big standing axe, (The lads gasp in excitement)

CURLY: What for it!

The axe then falls past the zombies from the other direction and cuts a rope, which causes a big bag above the Zombies to fall open (The lads gasp in excitement)

CURLY: What for it!

Out of the bag falls a big boulder


The boulder falls on a button, which fires off a tiny dart which hits a zombie in the butt!

Jacob turns to Curly and says ĎI hate you Curlyí

We see a Zombie arm throw the dart, which hits Curly in the side of the head

Jacob inspects the advancing horde, which is moving slowly towards them

JACOB: What a beautiful waste (he says as he looks in the mirror) So much I could have taught the world

MILLER: Man up bro! Look atíem, they look like a bunch of ????? We can takeíem lads

Miller whacks the jukebox, and another song plays

MILLER: Lets do this!


JACOB: Iím right behind you

As the music plays Miller and Curly jump out from behind the bar. POW, BIFF, WHACK. We see arms and legs throwing punches in time with the music, but after a bit the camera pans out to show there punches are missing and they are getting horribly beaten

MILLER: How-ay doing bro?

JACOB: Iím keeping them at bay (camera pulls out to reveal Jacob hiding in the bin behind the bar)

Cut to Jacob in the office watching CCTV with Miller and Curly

JACOB VOICE OVER: Er....I was being tatical, like in Zulu, I was reserving myself for the second way attack, once you two were tired

Cut back to CCTV footage

CURLY is screaming. He jumps back behind the bar. Jacobs head pops out of bin

Miller jumps back behind the bar, like a soldier jumping into a trench

Lots of arms are reaching over the bar down at them. Miller is swinging a broken chair leg to keep them on the other side of the bar.

MILLER: (to Jacob) What's wrong with him man?

JACOB: I dunno?

CURLY: Iíve been bitten...on the leg

MILLER: Cuddle Puffs! That ainít good dude

JACOB: Curlys gonna go zombie on us!

MILLER: KILL HIM, kill him with fire!!!!!!!!

JACOB: Wait, he can be saved!


JACOB: We need to cut his leg off?

They look around

MILLER: With what?

Jacob looks at his own arm wound

JACOB: Iím gonna have to nibble his leg off


JACOB: Give him something to bite on!

Miller forces the broken chair leg into his mouth to bite on. As Miller holds this in place, zombies pull at his hair

MILLER: Hurry up man"!

Jacob naws down on Curlys leg. Curly shakes his head in pain

Jacob finally pops back up, bloodied, with a leg in his hand!


Miller removes the wood


MILLER: Classic (ha ha)

Miller forces chair leg back into Curlys mouth and Jacob once again nibbles through a leg!

Curly passes out, legless

Jacob and Miller cower from the vast number of zombies leaning over the bar, trying to grab them

JACOB: What we gonna do?

MILLER: Your always saying your the man with the plan!

JACOB: Lets feed them Curly and run for it!


They high five and then throw Curlys body over the bar, then toss a leg over too (explains why he doesnt have them later)

However, the zombies are still surround them

JACOB: Why arenít they eating him?

MILLER: He must be dead man!

JACOB: Goddamn it Curly! Can't do any properly! Well thats it, weíre on the menu then! .........Oh, hang on!

Jacob spots the bar pets. A hamster cage. He grabs it

JACOB: Curlys hamster! Lets toss him over!

MILLER: Hang on a mimi, I might have a solution! A special brew Iíve been producing

JACOB: Yeah, might as well toast the end! Go out with the class I carried throughout my life.

Jacob spots Curlys other leg and tosses it out mindlessly

MILLER: No, this might help us escape!


Miller grabs a potion off of the shelf

MILLER: I need to test it quickly!

Miller pours the potion over the bar pet hamster. The hamster turns from a normal hamster, into a hyper intelligent hamster. He produces glasses from somewhere and straightens a tie and begins to speak in a high cutesy voice

HAMSTER: Oh my, how wonderful. How delightful indeed. Its all so clear to me now. What a wonderful world. Such beauty I can only now comprehend, such........argh!

Jacob reaches in, grabs the hamster and grenade lobs it over the bar

JACOB: Right, it looks safe to drink!

MILLER: Yep. This is my reverse potion! Whilst beer normally makes you worse at everything, this gets you drunk but makes you super pumped for everything, its like super powers man!

JACOB: That hamster did look pretty happy

HAMSTER: (From a distance) Oh the torment of understanding my mortality, argh!!!! Iíll get you Jacob Cox! This isn't the last you'll see of me................arghhhhh

The lads each gulp the potion, and then do a Popeye style reaction.

JACOB: Iím feeling pretty buff Miller

MILLER: Its zombie clobbering time bro!

The two brothers strike fight poses, and then leap over the bar into the Zombie horde. Suddenly it appears one of the Zombies swipe the CCTV and the screen fuzzes out.

It cuts back to the lads in the office.

They look out at the bloody covered bar and see all the dead bodies

JACOB: So we did all of that?

MILLER: Awesome!

CURLY: You bit my legs off man!

JACOB: I was saving your life Curly, show some gratitude!

CURLY: You threw me to the Zombies mob boss!

Jacob goes to reply when they hear a groaning sound. The three lads hundle together in fright

Suddenly the trap door flies open. A bloody hand reaches out


Suddenly someone pops out of the cellar. An older man. His face looks drained of colour and his clothes are covered in blood. He is groaning horribly and crawling along the floor.

JACOB: Its Dads

MILLER: Heís a zombie!

CURLY: I'm sorry but your really should put him out of his misery !

MILLER: He's right! Lets do this as kindly as possible

Miller pulls off Curlys leg and rushes over to his Dad, beating him over the head and body with Curlys dirty, smelly foot

MILLER: I LOVE YOU DAD! (Smack, bang, wallop)


Jacob pulls off Curlys other leg and runs over, joining in with the beating

The fathers groans start to become more audible

FATHER: Stommmmm, st, st, st, STOP!

Jacob and Miller freezes

FATHER: STOP! For I am not a Zombie! I am your Father!


The two lads embrace there now badly battered father for a long hug. Curly crawls into scene and angrily snatches a leg back.

CUT TO: The father is sitting next to a open fire place, in a chair, with a cup of hot tea in hand. The three lads are sat on the floor. Like a cosy scene of a teacher about to read some kids a story, except everyone is covered in blood

MILLER: How come your not a Zombie Dad?

JACOB: How did you survive the horde?

Curly can be seen sewing his legs back on, not engaged, grumbling.

FATHER: As you know my sons (cut to Jacob and Miller listening wide eyed), I like to wet my whistle at the other bars in town....only to spy on the competition of course......

Fade back to the night before (12 hours earlier)

Father looks completely different. No longer is he well spoken, but instead he is a disgraceful mess, with a totally different, drunkard sound and look. He is leary and frequently vomiting. He is a state.

He starts harassing a barmaid, and then he is fighting with the bouncers

(What the father says from here is at odds with the reality being shown on screen. The father puts himself across as a gentlemen, where really the reality on screen shows the drunken mess he really is).

I was having a quiet drink in one of the fine rival establishments in our towns (the father is shown to be horribly drunk is a dive of a bar) when I found that it was time for me to be returning home (he is forcefully thrown out of a bar with a violent thud), when I came across a group of fine young men and their lovely ladies, who felt the night still had much merriment to be experienced (they are all as drunk and degenerate as he is)

(We can see the crowd are dressed in Halloween costumes. The pub the father had just been kicked out of, has a banner across the front saying, Halloween Contest)

I explained to them that I was in fact a owner of a public house in this very town and they, and their friends would be welcome to return with me, to continue their night of fun (they are trying to rob him and beat him up because of his actions towards one of the women, but you see him trying to talk himself out of it) but only if they could repay me with one small kindness. It seemed hat I had experienced a mishap and my legs were not up to the journey (the group has broken them), so all I asked was to be helped home (they drag him by the foot)

When we arrived at the front door, it appeared to be locked. We knocked loudly but noone would answer. This seemed quite strange as there appeared to be quite the party taking place (disco lights and music blaring)
However, I had my key on me of course and I gave it to my new friends so that they could enter and carry me in but again our efforts were thwarted. (they rob his key and throw him to the ground. They fail to open the door so try to break in, but find it boarded) It seemed the front door would still not open. It was getting very cold and my old bones does not like such weather, so I assured my new acquiesces that it would be quite okay for them to break a window to unlock the door from the inside. Anyway, all this excitement and activity seemed to stir quite the interest in our little old bar. Whilst my dear friends tried in vain to get into the property, (they try more elaborate ways to break in) other passing crowds started to gather, mistaking my crowd for people waiting to enter a thriving party. I tried to explain to people that this was not the case, but my words fell on deaf ears (people ignore him cos he is so trampy and literally walk over him).

I decided the best course of action would be to try the cellar entrance,

(We see father crawling off to cellar, as he falls down the cellar door, a crowd of people spot him and follow him. As the father and followers disappear down the cellar hole, the camera pans across to the entrance and there is an explosion at the front door, where there is still a big crowd. The front door blows open but people are set on fire and the bee hive falls and starts stinging everyone. Everyone screams for a moment, but the flames quickly disappear and the bees fly off but the people look really mad! Screaming, who did this? People pointing inside of pub and others shouting, lets get them!)

but it seems that those who were convinced that they were missing out on a privileged party decided to follow me, hoping to attain entrance via my alterative route. Its unfortunate that these fellows were quite un-gentlemanly and pushed ahead of me. They tried to gain access through the trap door, but it seems no sooner had they opened it, that it was closed back on them, particularly on their fingers, very hard indeed. They were not best pleased! (We see them kicking him about)

As it seemed I would not be getting inside the pub at the the time, I decided to warm my blood with a brandy and retire for the night where I was. (we see him getting completely rat arsed). The next thing I know, Iím waking up, and upon my person are the bodies of the poorly mannered brutes from last night and it appears they are not in good health at all, in fact, I would say they have no health!


Father finished his tale and takes a sip of his hot coco and Jacob and Miller look at each other in shock


Jacob and Miller are inspecting the bar, and the bodies all around it. Curly is wobbling around on his sewn legs, sweeping up all of the bodies

CURLY: Should I pushíem all down the cellar and we can chalk it up to a terrible conga line tragedy?

Miller gives Curly the thumbs up. Curly begins sweeping bodies down the open trap door.

JACOB: I canít believe we did all of this! All of these dead people, cos of us! Because of these (Jacob looks at his fists)

MILLER: I know, right! How awesome are we, we like, Bruce Lee the dodge balls outta everyone.....(Miller
puts an arm around Jacob and makes his own fist) No one messes with the Cox



The pub is in ruins, it is merely a broken down
shell, only just recognisable. Not only is the bar destroyed, but it looks like
everything has been destroyed. The sky is bleak. The camera pans to ground level
and a group of animals are gathered in a pack. As the camera approaches them,
they part and you see a gold statue of the hamster. There is a guide, a solemn
talking rat.

RAT: And it was on this very spot that Lord Butt
Farts slew 200 giants with his own bare hands, and thus started the war of
independence and the eventual destruction of the giant race.