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The Darker Half

by  Chestersmummy

Posted: Saturday, November 24, 2018
Word Count: 2940
Summary: This is another chapter in my dysfunctional twins saga. In this excerpt Anna first discovers her father's illness. This is very much a first draft and I would like to know if it flows, if it is interesting and if it makes sense. Thanks for your help




“Mum, are you sure Dad’s alright?”  Anna wiped away the condensation clouding her view and peered out of the kitchen window.
            “Mind what yer doing.  Now there’s soap all down the winder.”  Her mother had tutted and swiped at the window with her dishrag.  As she raised her arm, Anna saw the circular patch of sweat staining her jumper and noticed the tired lines criss-crossing her mother’s face.  She felt a twinge of sympathy. When had her mother started to look so old?  And why hadn’t she noticed it before?  She knew why but pushed the thought away, as she pushed away all other thoughts of Alec. Gently, she took hold of her mother’s shoulders and steered her away from the sink.
            “Mum.  Why don’t you go and sit down.  I’ll finish the washing up and bring you a cup of tea in a minute.”
            Her mother grunted but didn’t argue and Anna poured away the old water, slimy with grease, and watched as fresh water steamed into the bowl. That done, she looked out of the window again.  Her father was still sitting on the garden bench but now his face was clenched with pain.  He doubled over, arms laced around his middle and she knew that if she had been outside, she would have heard him groan.  Quickly she turned off the tap and ran outside.
            “Dad, are you OK?”  Her father raised his head and the greyness of his skin frightened her.
            “Sure love, I’m fine.  Just a bit of indigestion.  It’ll be gone in a minute.”.
He didn’t look fine.  Anything but and she felt a sick feeling in the pit of her stomach as she sat down beside him, both watching in silence as the rays of the failing sun set fire to the treetops.  Despite her nagging worry, Anna gradually felt a feeling of peace stealing over her; they hadn’t been alone together like this for a long time.  Her hand crept towards his and she squeezed. As she did, the years melted away and she felt as close to him as she had as a child. She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her lids, not wanting to reveal the film of tears in her eyes. She didn’t visit enough, and guilt suffocated her.  Her father had hated it when she’d left but she’d gone anyway. She’d had to. The drip, drip, drip of Alec’s poisonous behaviour had worn her down until she couldn’t stand the atmosphere any longer. Even now she had to force herself through the front door, not knowing whether she could bear the sight of his face.
            Suddenly, a blackbird swooped low over the lawn, it was gone in an instant leaving only the echo of its alarm call, but it was enough to bring her back.  She shivered, realising the sky had swallowed the sun and the warmth had gone out of the air.  Gently, she let go of her father’s hand. “Come on, Dad.  Let’s go in.  It’s getting cold.”  Bugger Alec, she thought.  From now on I’ll visit Dad every week.
She took his arm and they walked slowly towards the house.  He was thin, she realised, birdlike and stooped as well.  Almost like a stork.
“Are you eating alright, Dad?”
He smiled.  “Haven’t got much of an appetite, love.  Price of getting old, I suppose.”
But was as it just old age?  She had asked herself.
Anna ached to have a word alone with her mother but instead was forced to sit in the lounge and listen to her mother talk whilst her father silently sipped his tea. Very soon, her mother’s monologue veered towards its favourite subject, as Anna knew it would.  It appeared that since she’d had left home, Alec had morphed into the perfect son. 
“Got himself a good job, pays well and e’s smartened himself up no end.  Looks proper handsome. You wouldn’t recognise him.”  She shot a look at Anna.  A look mixed with bitterness and triumph. “Yeah. I always knew he’d turn out good. Since you’ve been gone, ‘e’s come out of his shell.”
Anna couldn’t help herself.  Although she’d vowed not to talk about Alec ever again, curiosity got the better of her.  She looked over at her father and saw a shred of vitality in his eyes.  He winked at her and his lips curled into a slight one-sided smile.  A feeling of warmth floated through her. She hadn’t been mistaken, it was like the old times. She and her dad humouring the delusions of her mum.
“So what does he do then? What is this wonderful job he’s got?”
Her mother bristled. “There’s no need for that sarky tone, my girl. ‘E’s doing well and ‘e hasn’t needed a lot of fancy certificates to prove it. That’s all I need to know.”  Putting down her cup, she hoisted herself up, looking meaningfully at the clock.
“Sorry mum.  I didn’t mean to be sarcastic. If Alec is doing well, I’m pleased for him.”  It was a lie, but a white one. She needed to keep the peace to help her dad. Anyway, she’d got her answer, her mum hadn’t a clue what Alec did, only that he brought in money.  
She saw her father was struggling to rise as well.
“Right, now I just need to be a gentleman,” he said. “Please don’t leave before I get back.”  She watched as he threaded himself through the furniture in the direction of the toilet.  As soon as he’d disappeared, she seized her chance.
“Mum, do you realise how frail dad is? Has he seen a doctor?”
“Doctor!  Don’t make me laugh girl.  You know your dad. At least you should.  ‘E don’t believe in doctors. Not been near one since I was misdiagnosed.”
“Well, I think he should. Can’t you persuade him? You must see how ill he looks.”
“E won’t listen to me. Never has done since the day we were married. You were the only one he’d pay attention to. Why don’t you talk to ‘im?”
After she said goodbye, Anna thought about what her mother had said.  She was right, Dad could be very stubborn.  All the same, something needed to be done. Next week, when she went home again, she must try to make him see sense. It was only a week, she consoled herself, a week wouldn’t make much difference.
            The journey home, by train and tube, didn’t take all that long but it was complicated - she’d deliberately designed it that way to put Alec off the scent. But even when it was dark, she usually enjoyed the walk to the station, along the winding lane bordered by shadowy and secret hedgerows deep inside which she’d listen for the furtive rustle of night creatures. As she walked, she enjoyed the sound of her own feet, knowing full well that at least for the next week, they’d be muffled by thousands of others pounding the same grey city streets and, on clear nights, she’d watch the flickering tapestry of stars, stretched across the sky.  But, tonight, she was enjoying nothing because, although he was physically miles away, Alec was stalking her. She couldn’t stop thinking about what her mother had said. That Alec had bloomed since she’d left. Surely that couldn’t be right?  She shrugged off the thought; most of her childhood had been tormented by feelings of guilt but she’d grown out of that now. Long ago, she’d realised that she’d done nothing wrong. But it was Alec’s mysterious job that was really bugging her. If her mother was right, he was earning a lot of money. But doing what? He wasn’t particularly bright, and she knew full well that he’d left school without any qualifications. The only explanation she could think of was that he was doing something outside the law and if he were to be caught it would be a disaster for her mum and dad.
            By now she’d reached the station and robot-like paid for her ticket, barely speaking to the ticket officer whom she’d known for years. When the train finally wheezed into the station, Anna boarded automatically, taking her seat without the briefest glance at the other passengers. Once inside her head, Alec was difficult to dislodge and station after station sped by unnoticed as the train rattled towards Euston. It seemed to her, as always, that her brother was the source of all her woes. She couldn’t get used to living in London and if it wasn’t for him, she’d have got a job nearer home, maybe Hemel Hempstead or even Watford. Maybe she would have been able to find a little terraced house in one of the various new estates being thrown up locally, instead of having to settle on a dingy flat in Camden. But after that last episode, she couldn’t wait to get away. Not only had Alec had managed to ruin her home life but he had ruined a friendship she’d thought would last forever.
 
Try as she might, Anna remembered little of her early years except for a few dim memories that materialised now and then, wavy and indistinct as if glimpsed through the bottom of a thick glass bottle. Other than these, her life seemed to begin at the time she met Greta when they had all been six years old.
“What is that noise?” Her mother was upset, Anna had  realised. Her face was as red as a fire engine, there was a smudge of something black on her nose and strands of hair had escaped from her chignon and were floating in the air.  It was the boxes Anna thought, they must be getting on her mother’s nerves and that didn’t surprise her. The big, brown cartons seemed to have taken over, they were everywhere, piled up in corners, littering the floor and blocking doorways. Her mother was standing in the centre of the room, in one of the few clear spaces, her hands bunched into fists, her eyes rolling in a helpless sort of panic. Every now and then she’d turn towards one box, then change her mind half-way and wheel-round to another. As if from far away came the faint sound of hammering.
            “Daddy’s putting up shelves.”
            “No, not that noise. That squeak.” Anna listened again and heard a faint and scratchy sound as if someone’s fingernails were clawing down slate, rhythmically, over and over again.
            “Don’t know,” she said at last, but her mother had lost interest.
            “Where’s your brother? I thought you was looking after ‘im?”
            Anna shrugged her shoulders. “I was, but he ran off.”
            “Well, for Chrissake go and find him. Quick, this minute. The last thing I need is for ‘im to get lost.”
            Anna turned and squeezed through the door. She noticed that the removal van had gone now. She’d thought it exciting when it first arrived, panting and growling up the hill, like a ginormous dinosaur, but had changed her mind when it started eating all their furniture. She’d felt a bit frightened then, wondering where they were going and what their new house would be like. To try and calm herself, she’d wandered around re-visiting all her favourite places for the last time but that had only made her feel sad. She didn’t feel any better now; she hadn’t taken to their new house. It was much smaller and shabbier, and as she went through the front door, she noticed the grubby blue paint was faded and chipping off in places, so you could see the bare wood. Her daddy was going to have a lot of work to do, she decided.
            She looked around the garden and down the path that cut through the long grass that was supposed to be a lawn, and towards the gate. To her relief it was closed, so she guessed Alec hadn’t left the garden. She still couldn’t see him but she could still hear that squeak, it was louder now so perhaps it was Alec, up to some mischief or other.
            “Alec,” she called.
            “He’s up there.”
            Anna almost jumped out of her shoes. The voice was coming from next door’s garden and as her head swivelled, she saw a girl of about her own age, sitting on a rusty swing, her legs pumping as she propelled herself backwards and forwards. She had curly blonde hair tied back with a pink ribbon that matched the colour of her dress and her eyes were very blue. As Anna stared, the girl let go one arm from the swing and pointed upwards. Following the line of her finger, Anna gasped as she saw Alec half-way up a crooked old apple tree, his body wedged in a cleft of the twisted trunk and a branch. She ran to the foot of the tree and stared upwards.  Alec stared back at her.  His muddy brown eyes looked huge and his face was paper-white. He looked, Anna decided, like a very bad-tempered owl.
            “Alec!” She yelled. “How did you get up there? You come down this very instant before mummy sees you.”
            Won’t.” Alec yelled back. “Won’t, won’t, won’t…”
            “He means can’t.” For the second time that day, the girl next door made her jump. Without Anna noticing, she had hopped over the sagging wire fence and was now standing by her side.
            “He’s stuck.” She explained. For a few second there was silence as they both thought about it. Anna’s stomach was churning. If they had to call the fire brigade, she was in so much trouble. After all, she was supposed to be looking after him.
            “He your brother?” the girl said. Anna nodded.
            “I got brothers too. They’re a pain, aren’t they?” Just at that very moment there was a commotion next door as two whooping and yelling boys barrelled out of the house and charged down the path.
            “See what I mean? They’re going to the park to play football. Sometimes, they play at home, but they always make me be in goal and aim right for me, ‘though they say they don’t.  Look.”
She pulled up her skirt and Anna saw a big bruise flowering just above her knee. It was swollen and looked as purple as the wicked queen’s cloak in the Sleeping Beauty panto she’d seen last Christmas.
“Wow. I bet that hurt.”
“Yeah. I told Mum and she yelled at them but it never seems to make any difference.” She looked back at the apple tree.  “Tell you what, I’ve got an idea. I’ll climb up and try and get him down. You stand at the bottom and catch him if he falls.”
            Anna’s eyes widened but before she could say anything the girl was swarming up the tree like a monkey, her Plimsolled feet skilfully finding footholds in its gnarled trunk. Hoisting herself up onto the same branch as Alec, she edged her way towards him and there was a long, muttered conversation which Anna couldn’t hear, although she was straining her ears as hard as she could. Eventually, to her great surprise and relief, they both started to move, Alec wriggling along the branch while the girl helped him, pointing downwards at the footholds that she had used. Slowly, they both clambered down. Alec clutching at the trunk for dear life as his good leg searched for crevices and his calipered one swung uselessly. Anna gaped at his clumsy descent, amazed that he had managed to climb that far in the first place. His arms, she realised, must be very strong. At last he was on the ground and she stood watching as he clutched at the tree for support. His chest was working like an accordion and she could hear it whistling as he fought to catch his breath. Leaves and twigs decorated his hair, his face and hands were filthy and there was a bright red graze running down his good leg. Usually, he was so fussy about his appearance that he’d fly into a hysterical rage if there was so much as a smudge of dirt on his face or clothes but now he looked like a dirtier version of Dennis the Menace in the The Beano comic that her Dad bought for them. Anna felt the beginnings of a giggle at the back of her throat and clamped her lips together as tightly as she could.  At last, Alec managed to straighten up and turned to glare at her.
            “What are you staring at?”  he wheezed, and not waiting for a reply. shoved past her and rocked his unsteady way back towards the house.
            “Aren’t you going to say thank you? And why did you go up there anyway?”  She shouted after him but if he heard, he didn’t reply.
            “Typical,” the girl said. She looked at Anna and grinned. Anna grinned back and then their grins widened until they both exploded with laughter. tears of helpless merriment streaming down their faces.  At last, the girl wiped her eyes and, her voice hiccupping, said “my name’s Greta, by the way. What’s yours?”
Anna remembered that day as clearly as if it was yesterday because it started a friendship that lasted for years. She and Greta sat next to each other at primary school, both went to the local grammar school and would have been friends even now, she was sure of it, if it hadn’t been for Alec. But she wasn’t even going to think about that. That was dead and gone and only came back to her in nightmares and anyway, it was too late now.