Born in the tropical wilds of London surburbia, I honed my writing style from a tender age under the guidance of my culturally resplendent parents, and fuelled by a ridiculously overactive and ludicrous imagination.
While other kids would churn out pap about visits to the sweet shop after each weekend, I would spin extravagant tales of underwater rocket ships and daring fire rescues.
I put my literary ambitions to one side, though, during my adolescence to concentrate on being extremely lazy and unbelievably moody while pursuing the opposite sex feverishly on the mean streets of my local patch.
I launched my "professional" writing and journalism career at Birmingham University long ago in 1994 where I was a sports columnist and feature writer for the newspaper Redbrick. Why on earth they granted me my own column on my pro debut, as such, I will never ever know. Fools.
Upon graduation, I worked at the Surrey Mirror newspaper in a general role where I fashioned a phalanx of exquisite (OK, completely average) stories including a seminal interview with lead vocalist Gary Brooker from Procol Harum.
However, the bright lights of the big smoke proved too alluring and I moved on to SportsTalk, where I delivered frenetically engaging news bulletins over the phone. When burly bailiffs arrived at the office to take our computers one day, my colleagues and I surmised that, perhaps, it was our cue to depart for sunnier climes.
Further sports broadcast stints for Clubcall, where I travelled the UK like a commentary barbarian pillaging football matches with gusto for my loyal listeners, and Football 365 followed, before I moved on to Sports.com and Teletext, where I was the less heralded sports betting editor. The legendary banter at these workplaces made up for the criminally poor business sense of the upper management.
A lost year working on auto-pilot in the basement for the Orange.co.uk website was thankfully bettered upon my arrival at ITV.com where I have thoroughly enjoyed working. A youthful office full of zip and laughter has spawned work on the 2007 Tour de France and Rugby World Cup websites.
I have also been a Staff Writer since 1999 for the now defunct ScreenTalk, the international magazine for screenwriting, which is when my film screenwriting career began, and now the ground-breaking MovieScope magazine, the international voice of filmmaking. Interviewing the very humble Richard E Grant was a highlight in the year 06.
A short film that I wrote was produced in Denmark. I also developed an original English-language black comedy film with Angel Films in Denmark and a rewrite of an existing Danish film drama for the director Lasse Spang Olsen. Did these two projects see the light of day? Did they f...
Other projects included collaborating with a Turkish director on a film drama starring some endangered turtles (not "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Apocalypse" before you ask), together with thriller and comedy film scripts that attracted tired, bemused interest from US producers.
Along with a number of short films that I have written and directed, I have also penned a TV sitcom proposal about the trials and tribulations of a railway lost property office. I doubt it will ever see the light of day. Dem's da breaks.
After six months of agonising post-production, I have birthed my directorial short film debut "Jump-Start Heart". I am currently looking at ways to sell my kidney on the Web so I can rustle up the funds to send it to film festivals.
I am now editing "The One", a monologue project, and concentrating on my next two short films where I will attempt to hoodwink various film schemes in the UK and Europe into paying for it rather than using my own moolah.
Yes, I also have other talents. The phrase 'Jack of all trades, master of none' was written for me originally. This includes “The Fast Shuffle”, my first novel, and I am keen to explore another book in the same vein with the two zany main protagonists Jimmy Jones and Maxine Moolay.
I am also exploring the world of short stories and hope to collect enough pieces to form an intriguing ensemble.
I have not had need of an agent with all my money-lacking commissions coming through word of mouth and networking, however I would be very interested now if an agent could offer me quality representation across books, film and TV and a monstrously huge villa overlooking the Amalfi coast.
A list of all my novel, film and television work can be found on the 'List of Works' page should you be interested.
In terms of marketability, I am ambitious and not afraid to get out and about promoting my work. I haven't mastered the use of stilts, though, so be warned if you want to use them in a publicity stunt. I positively relish the chance to meet and greet readers, fellow authors and the rest of the creative world especially if they pay me money.
Finally, you can judge for yourself from my arty photo whether I have the right 'look' to help launch a glittering film/TV career or a thousand books. Sayonara one and all.