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Platonic.
Posted: 23 June 2005
Word Count: 86
Summary: A mind search for the better and more human level of existence is always prefered.
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We were offered ourselves in distraction,
-like two expanding atomically.
Mixing
it
was to late.
Had we become special to each other?
Then contracting back realising our similarity,
it didn`t seem apparent at first.
you can reflect,
imagine
assume that you are
elevated
by thought by another.
The different levels in life offered a plateau of percptions,
The mind citadel,where you can create, act convert into reality.
A glimpse of heaven so we can understand the hell we or others ilive in.
Like someone held a
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Comments by other Members
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 paul53 [for I am he] at 11:59 on 25 June 2005
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Patrick,
Sorry for delay - not only not getting automated notification, but your upload didn't knock George off the top of the list.
The words are perfect. I would have altered the punctuation somewhat, and corrected the few typo errors, but it still reads like a good heartfelt piece.
I am hoping the ending is intended, because it leaves the reader to fill in their own words - an extremely clever devise when it works, as it does here.
You should be rightly proud of yourself for this one. In a few days time, why not look at it afresh and touch up the typos and punctuation to polish it more?
Paul
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Lawrenco at 01:01 on 26 June 2005
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Hi Paul ,
many thanks for your reply I have noticed the poem isn`t complete having problems with uploading etc. Yes typos etc, will sort out .My experiencing technical problems is very frustrating.
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jewelsx at 16:26 on 27 June 2005
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hi,
This poem is beautifully written. Sorry to hear about your technical problems, when will we get to see the rest of this piece, i will look forward to it.
All the best
Julie
PS paul is right you should be proud of this one.
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gard at 19:06 on 17 August 2005
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HI lawrenco
waiting for the end..... I like this piece there are a few typos. (to should be too and also perception. Nice one. It is less primary that your other work. Is there a reason?
G
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 blp at 17:29 on 20 September 2005
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I love it. It's like a light rain landing on a pond. But I don't like 'the mind citadel', which seems pompous - especially alongside the wonderful simplicity of a lot of the language. Resorting to heaven and hell to make a point seems, similarly, both lazy and overblown.
Sorry to go on about it because I know it's not intentional, but that uploading problem really has created a lovely end line.
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