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by laurafraser 

Posted: 29 June 2005
Word Count: 215

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Surprise me as you drift your eyes slowly up & down
My body,
As you surmise me with your eyes & your sighs
That you let out with each lie
That slips out of your lips
Like a leaking tap that drips
Your sobbing cries are the spur to your departing friends
Who have taken flight, because
You have become an unwanted sight,
A carbuncle, an oozing wart
Whose puss congeals like spilt blood
On the side of your mouth,
Those ‘pilgrims’ retreating from one another in repulsion
Your nose an obese arthritic Sultan
Who slouches on his throne
Squelching plums and frozen berries in his inflamed hands
That beckon to the boys, his toys
To come a little closer,
So that he can surprise them,
Drift his eyes slowly down and up
Their bodies,
Sighing as he watches them lying
Next to one another,
Quivering with excitement,
His flesh appears to ripple,
As he waves his arms calling for the peacocks to be brought so he can
Admire them,
Dismissing the boys, his toys,
His pupils dilating –
This picture – perhaps you know it well?
Perhaps, even though you would rather compare it to hell
Somewhere inside you shrivel
Bow your head and say yes,
This is me somewhere,
Somewhere this is me.

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Comments by other Members

Cornelia at 22:16 on 29 June 2005  Report this post
Ooh! Very powerful writing. I really would not like to meet this character at all.

I found this very intriguing, as the main character metamorphoses from a lover to a rejected leper-like person to some kind of emperor with perverse tastes.

It made me shudder.Would anyone ever admit to being like this?


Beanie Baby at 22:19 on 29 June 2005  Report this post
Quite disturbing images here but incredibly written as ever. I like your subtle play with rhyme - sometimes it's there, sometimes it's not - and the metamorphosis from slightly bemused to singularly evil. Very clever!

seanfarragher at 03:22 on 30 June 2005  Report this post
Very powerful poem. I felt the imagery was an intense map of your mental and physiological states of mind. Marvelous poem. Write me a poem about a quiet place in your world. Cut inside that exploration that which makes your life careful or an adventure. In fact, think of two poems, two poles, adventure and wariness. Wondeful porm again. I would love to know what you think of my latest poem. I have always written out of a hunger for ..... I take on your poem of joy if you create your pastoral poem in return.

shandypockets at 15:26 on 30 June 2005  Report this post
Laura, I thought this was startling (in a good way), and the "obese, arthritic Sultan" image is great. P

laurafraser at 15:58 on 01 July 2005  Report this post
Sheila, Beanie, Sean and Shandypockets,

thank-you all for your comments.

i will comment on all your work after w/e and apologise for having not done so.

But I really appreciate what you have all written, he is a peculiar figure this man/sultan but I had an image of darknes that i wanted to ge across-know needs work, and will have a fiddle when back.

Lots of Love

L x

Ticonderoga at 13:44 on 02 July 2005  Report this post
Yes, very powerful and unsettling. Will be even better after tiny polish. But, dark and deep, dark and deep.


The Walrus at 20:20 on 04 July 2005  Report this post
I guess we all have unpleasant thoughts about people but probably not so well, or openly, articulated. Yes, it's shocking, bordering on the obscene but I feel this is why it has impact... all those dark thoughts that rarely see the light of day. The question that was foremost in my mind, while I was reading this and your previous work, was do you deliberately set out to shock the reader or are you oblivious? Feels like a Plathish whiplash experience. I mean this not as a criticism because, as you you probably know, I love your work. Just curious. Your writing has a unique rawness combined with intrinsically powerful imagery.


laurafraser at 17:30 on 05 July 2005  Report this post
Thanks Mike for your comments.

I don't think that I set out to shock the reader, on the contary a poet at the poetry cafe in London read this poem the other day and 'oohed' slightly at the images and after saying yes, yes, big imagination, passed the poem back with the smile still in tact. If anything she seemed quite removed from the poem. I tell this ancedote not as a snipe at her reaction, but to show that people always react in a multitue of ways to poetry. I know that for many, mine is too unstructured and I would agree with them, though for me the time has not come yet to rein it all in.

I wanted to create a sinister image and one that was perhaps uncomfortable and do so using the childish tool of rhyme because i thinkk that makes it slighty at odds with itself, just like this sultan with a prediliction for the boys. You are right he is obscene and I think I want to make him more so. Thispoem requires more work as Mike spotted and i said earlier, but I shan't set out to shock, I would never want to do that because i think that shock can leave a reader numb for a bit afterwards and then the rest of the poem is lost on them. I think it is more powerful to unsettle them. Give them a little poke if you will

Thank-you for your honesty and directedness Christina.-When will we see another poem of yours?


Souchong at 21:10 on 27 July 2005  Report this post
you are, as ever, lyrical in expression, laura.

the first 5 lines are somehow compelling - they slip by so tantalisingly - they could almost be the start of a completely other poem ....

i like your work.
u do the macabre and diabolic just as beautifully as you do the angelic.


laurafraser at 16:50 on 24 August 2005  Report this post

that was lovely of you to say that - thank-you.


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