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Love in a Southern Hemisphere

by Ellenna 

Posted: 18 July 2003
Word Count: 57
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you unyielding as the Nullabor plain and yet I
the unaccustomed rain could permeate your limestone soul
with salty tears
and should they melt a heart entrenched with past persuasions
i would drench your soul with English rain
and steel blue skies that frame a buttermilk sun
in softer light and dewy grass you'd come alive again







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Ioannou at 19:50 on 18 July 2003  Report this post
'I would drench your soul with English rain' - what a love poem! The language is beautiful, Ellie. Somehow the 'with salty tears' seemed either out of place physically (a strange short line) or maybe sound wise - too harsh? I don't know. But I liked the way that it's a modern love poem, but has echoes (language, rhythm) of far older times. Love, Maria.
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olebut at 20:39 on 18 July 2003  Report this post
Ellie

this is beautiful I take Maria's point about the salty tears why salty tears ?

why not soft or gentle tears or even teardrops ( i think the salty gives aan image of strong alkali) where perhaps you need to give a softer less harsh image but show that softness/ gentleness can be just as effective


still a beautiful poem

take care

david
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Ellenna at 21:06 on 18 July 2003  Report this post
thanks to you both .... I must have been peeling onions today!

because of how the format allowed me to upload ..it certainly brings these to attention . I will now walk round the house with a glass of wine uttering alternatives.. i like teardrops David..watch this space and thank you so much for your comments :)

Ellie
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Ellenna at 09:43 on 19 July 2003  Report this post
I've tried with wine
i've tried with beer
but fraid i am sticking with salty tears.. its of the earth , corrodes the stone
I hope you dont mind if i go it alone !

( thank you and I am sorry if it jars ..)

Ellie :)
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poemsgalore at 12:41 on 19 July 2003  Report this post
Actually I liked the salty tears, it contrasts nicely with the rest of the poem - and tears are salty anyway. A beautiful poem Ellie.
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bluesky3d at 12:48 on 19 July 2003  Report this post
Great poem Ellie.

Yes Kathleen, I agree that 'salty tears' is right. Salt certainly has a corrosive quality that rots away at things.


Andrew :o)
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Ellenna at 13:55 on 19 July 2003  Report this post
ummm Andrew, not sure the intention was to rot! more a gentle dissolve....:)


Kathleen thank you, as always:)

Ellie ...
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