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The Colour of Marriage [Tritina (Market) exercise]
Posted: 07 July 2005
Word Count: 76
Summary: A response to the exercise in Poetry Seminar
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Ten ninety-nine is neither here nor there
but colour-wise it isn’t what I’d thought
of having for the wedding. Scarlet. Deep,
unblinking wounds transfix my gaze, till deep
ravines hold out inviting arms and there
can be no sure escape. Perhaps a thought
would be the blue. A glimpse of sky. No thought
of drowning. Azure waves belie what there
lurks far beneath. Strong currents rule the deep.
Now, there’s a thought! Deep purple. Black Night.
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Comments by other Members
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 Nell at 07:42 on 08 July 2005
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Hi joanie,
Sorry to have taken so long in commenting, but I keep coming back to this - it can be read on so many levels. Love the idea of marriage having colours and the feel of a modern street market in the ...Ten ninety-nine...
It seems as if there's a story to be discovered in every line - I wonder what's happened to her to provoke the thoughts of wounds, ravines and drowning with the prospect of marriage. I wasn't sure about ...transfix my gaze... and Azure waves belie what there/lurks far beneath... - they seemed less modern than the rest of the poem, very slightly theatrical perhaps. I like the surprise of the exclamation mark and the upbeat mood of the last line after her earlier doubts, yet that line is ambiguous too. Altogether very thought provoking - a great response to the exercise.
Nell.
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 joanie at 08:53 on 08 July 2005
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Thanks, Nell. I haven't really felt at home with the tritina, even though I wrote two! I was engineering too much, which is strange because I enjoyed doing the villanelle and terzanelle. The thing is, I'm not at all sure what has provoked her thoughts either, and I feel like I should!
I totally agree with you about the theatrical bit!
Thank you for reading - much appreciated, as always!
joanie
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 tinyclanger at 18:01 on 08 July 2005
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Hi Joanie.
I loved the first stanza, echo Nell about 'ten ninety-nine', - a very effective line, rooted so strongly in reality.
The rest was beguiling, I'm pondering the wounds and ravines from which there is no escape, yet are 'inviting'...
I also enjoyed the blue...that it's sky, 'no thought of drowning' - the line to me suggested that she was in fact drowning, or very close to it and is working hard to fight the memory off, to replace it with another?
As to the end...I'm wondering about the song reference...in a way it lightens when I didn't want lightening, but I don't know if thet's just a personal preference for misery!
It also strikes me as effective internal monologue, how the mind skips from topic to topic, doubly suitable here as I'm imagining her skipping from garment to garment.
Any of this hit anywhere near the mark!?
Enjoyed the piece, a very active, stimulating read.
x
tc
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joanie at 18:55 on 08 July 2005
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Thank you very much, tc. | It also strikes me as effective internal monologue, how the mind skips from topic to topic, doubly suitable here as I'm imagining her skipping from garment to garment. |
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is exactly right. Yes, she is flitting physically and mentally.
As I have said, I am very unsure myself about this, but your response was very encouraging! Glad you enjoyed the read. Thanks again for taking the time!
joanie
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