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When Sheep Attack

by leesio wins 

Posted: 26 July 2005
Word Count: 64
Summary: Hope you like my half-job. Feel free to offer improvements

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Pious star shine light to disaffection
Your follower needs a mirror to starve alienation.
Being Jack’s brick can provide purposeful fulfilment;
Scorn the fool who is not your master’s servant.

We shall display our colours ignorant and loyal
Hold up our banners and kiss the soil
The meek are weak crying, “please exploit us”
While Jack and son dine from the lap of Bacchus.

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Comments by other Members

paul53 [for I am he] at 11:40 on 27 July 2005  Report this post
Welcome to the group, Paul.
I would have more to comment on this if I could work out what it is about.
As it stands, it comes across like a rap lyric, leaving the reader to wonder who Jack is?
Read out loud, "purposeful fulfilment" trips the flow a little, as does the lines not being uniform
[10/15/13/11, 13/9/10/11 by my count].
To offer further improvements, I will need a handle on the subject matter.

Ticonderoga at 15:18 on 27 July 2005  Report this post
I agree with Paul; there's some striking imagery and ideas here, but no way in for the reader, to give everything a context. Explain!! ;-)



leesio wins at 16:49 on 27 July 2005  Report this post
Thank you very much for the comments.
This is just a rough draft at the moment. I intend to add structure and depth to the work built on what I have already written. I wanted some feedback first though before I go any further so I can anticipate what people look for. At the moment it is just written for myself.

My perspective is socio-political in reflection of the current environment and recent events. (Although I can imagine this may be getting a bit tedious).

My effort is trying to capture the relationship of the ordinary mass population with the elite powers and leaders. Jack is symbolised as that power but at the same the name itself conveys a sense of the common man. The idea is that people look to belong to something to give themselves a purpose and an identity. They turn to "Jack" for leadership and guidance and follow him blindly. Jack offers that purpose to people, propagandising that they all share a common goal but really Jack exploits those people for his own means.

paul53 [for I am he] at 17:06 on 27 July 2005  Report this post
I think you've not only chosen a tough subject to tackle, but a particularly tough time in which to tackle it.
The real problem I see is that most folk had perfect clarity only when using it retrospectively. I had someone say to me: "Yes, we all went a bit overboard when Diana died" then look askance when I retorted: "What do you mean, WE?"
Paul, the only tedious thing about reactions to recent events [sorry folks] is the Pavlovian knee-jerks and unconscious repetition of whatever the TV and newspapers are drip-feeding us en masse.
I don't know how you are going to attempt to deal with this, but I am intrigued.
Jack has lied to us in the past; that we know.
Jack [well, a large percentage of Jacks] went into politics for his own ends and uses the electorate to feather his own nest; that we know.
Jack is continuing to do both today - uh oh, how then do we interpret the news? What is really happening? Who exactly is doing what, and for what end?
The thing is, get too political - or swimming against the raging [literally]tide - on this site and you will suddenly find yourself getting no comments at all. My "Gehlen" upload is a current example.
Nevertheless, I for one look forward to your exploration with great interest, and I am sure a few others on this site will, too. Thank you for choosing this group.
Good luck.


I really should have twigged by the title.

Mr B. at 15:49 on 17 August 2005  Report this post
There is a strength behind this, which seems to skip between solidarity and the riducule of doing so. It reminded me of some of Seigfried Sassoon's poetry and I wonder what sort of war poetry the War on Terror will produce.

Nice one,


gard at 18:55 on 17 August 2005  Report this post
HI Leesio W

I agree with all the comments above. There is a good flow and syllable count leading to a nice rhythm in this piece. Though I agree that I got the second stanza more than the first but do agree with the sentiments.

Keep writing!!


Plagious at 22:49 on 10 September 2005  Report this post
It's probably me, but the explanations do not yet help.

Use of the word "fool", particularly in the line, "Scorn the fool who is not your master’s servant", drives me to think of it's use by Shakespeare, where it't use is to depict the common born, but wise person who advises the King (as in King Lear), but this is not your intention?

"While Jack and son dine from the lap of Bacchus," is a great line, it has contradictions. Does it refer to the more physical interpretation that we have come to know, or are you alluding to the true Bacchic rites, that are closer to those old esoteric Greek traditions?

Would be interesting to know.


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