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Songlines of the High Veldt.

by Sazmac 

Posted: 01 August 2005
Word Count: 88

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We are strangers.
We trace lines
we stake round in the dust and dance
on this burnt land.
The sun glares on the black earth.
You write something
I cant hear you
You wave at me.
You look at me through the glasses again.
I see them glint.
I move again so
You cant see me.

That night.
Hot and full of cicadas
Cyanide in my nails and hair
we drink and laugh.
I trace lines around the table
in the wine.
I wonder what you see now.

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Comments by other Members

Ticonderoga at 15:03 on 02 August 2005  Report this post
This is wonderfully rich and teasing; there are enough points of reference for the reader to have a way in, but an aura of enigma hovers over the poem, making it emminently re-readable. Strong stuff.



Sazmac at 07:56 on 04 August 2005  Report this post
Thanks Mike.

Thank -you for being kind and picking enigmatic - I think i have been too obscure. I havent written anything for a long time and need a kick in the proverbials!

Will try and think some more about it!


lieslj at 19:42 on 04 August 2005  Report this post
Hello Sarah,

I was lured by your title, as I'm sniffing the end of our Highveld winter now. I'm ready for spring, but sneezing madly at the jasmine that announces that it's on it's way.

I guess I would encourage you to 'ground' this work more in the details of the landscape that make it peculiarly African - if it is the African highveld you're writing of. (I'm not aware of any other!) If it weren't for the title, this poem could be about any burnt stretch of land.

I'm also curious to know a little more about why cyanide appears in the narrator's hair and nails. Again, I have the feeling I have missed something that should be obvious, but I can't 'get' it. I want you to give me more there, and then reel me harder, faster.

Hope that helps!

Liesl from Johannesburg.

Sazmac at 13:10 on 08 August 2005  Report this post
Thanks Liesl

And it is the High Veldt at the end of winter too. It was a long time ago and my memory is very hazy. For once I didnt have much impression of the landscape as I didnt get to see much of it. I was working on a cyanide making site for a short while. I was surveying but felt like I was being stalked and watched.

But yes - it does need grounding in the landscape more.

I need to find some more time to work on it!

thanks for the comments - It is great to have the feedback.



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