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Haiku - username
Posted: 23 July 2003
Word Count: 14
Summary: Haiku
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Acid light cuts night
sculpting a safe white cocoon.
Friends beyond the glass.
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 poemsgalore at 19:06 on 24 July 2003
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I like the idea of sculpting a safe white cocoon. As the title is username, does this refer to the anonymity of hiding behind a usename when on the internet? The cocoon being the fact no one knows who you really are, and the line "friends beyond the glass" being the people you 'meet' online?
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olebut at 21:37 on 24 July 2003
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oddly enough I saw this differently I saw it as somebody in Intensive Care looking out at their friends and family outside of the 'glass' there but unable to enter the cocoon of the room.
take care
david
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Agnieszka Ryk at 09:12 on 26 July 2003
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Hi Lisa
This seems both sharply focussed, yet ambiguous - if you know what I mean??!!
I think I prefer it without a title (do Haiku's have titles in general? It's as if a title is a whole nother poem - a new world of meaning) - I caught glimpses of being in a dark garden, outside a party looking in. I think ambiguity is the fun part of Haiku and I suppose the title takes some of that away for me!
a
x
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Lisa at 12:34 on 26 July 2003
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Interesting point, Agnieszka. I think you're probably right about losing the title.
Lisa
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llydstp at 11:59 on 30 July 2003
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Lisa
I really like this but I had an image of someone peering through a window into a cafe or bar at night. I was impressed by poemsgalore understanding the real meaning straight away. Makes me feel quite inferior.
Best wishes
Steve
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peterxbrown at 01:09 on 04 August 2003
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Hi Lisa,
I really like this clever Haiku.The image of friends beyond the screen is very strong as is the reference to sculpting. What made you choose "acid" light?
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Adam at 01:56 on 05 August 2003
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Pithy, yet undoubtedly strong! I quite like the title, because it seems to offer an added dimension (like the whole experience, I suppose!) There is definitely still enough ambiguity in there to merit the reader's attention. It took me two or threes reads to actually properly digest the language.
Well done,
Adam
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Lisa at 12:02 on 10 August 2003
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Peter, thanks for your comments.
The phrase "acid light" evolved because I wrote this in the early hours of the morning and the only light in the room was the harsh glare of the computer monitor. It felt acidic in its colour but also in its cruel, almost burning light that simply dissolved the darkness.
Lisa
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peterxbrown at 00:17 on 14 August 2003
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Thanks for explaining acid light to me.
I love it! No criticism was implied, I was just interested in how it came about. Cheers!
Peter
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