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She cheered as he left

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 12 October 2005
Word Count: 77
Related Works: But You Fly • 
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She cheered as he left

Immortal for a moment
singing in sighs & cries,
violent stories laughed
into twisting surprises.

Immortal for a moment
womanly the world turns,
around your warm tongue
language feeling thought.

Immortal for a moment,
under the hot searching
of the wanting audience,
you give yourself away.

Immortal for a moment
they understand nothing,
you are taking their love
to heart with you to stay

immortal for tomorrow's
next one-woman show.


John G.Hall(C)2005






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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 11:57 on 14 October 2005  Report this post
Ooh, very bitter - loved it! Thought it might do with be broken into stanzas to give your reader a chance to breathe and reflect - as below:

Immortal for a moment
singing in sighs & cries,
violent stories laughed
into twisting surprises.

Immortal for a moment
womanly the world turns,
around your warm tongue
language feeling thought.

Immortal for a moment,
under the hot searching
of the wanting audience,
you give yourself away.

Immortal for a moment
they understand nothing,
you are taking their love
to heart with you to stay

immortal for tomorrow's
next one-woman show.


Added in the apostrophe missing from "tomorrows" too. I think it might be better like this?? But it's up to you!

LoL

A
xxx
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John G.Hall at 13:05 on 14 October 2005  Report this post
Thanks Anne, looking better for the space. Cheers,

John G.Hall
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