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Fight or Flight

by di2 

Posted: 22 October 2005
Word Count: 454
Summary: This piece is my first contribution to the Flash Fiction Group and my first piece of fiction. I hope you enjoy it.


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"I'm the guy who tore the toilet door of its hinges last week". The bookkeeper looked up slowly from her invoices that were strewn across her desk.

His voice reminded her of Lurch the butler in The Adams Family TV program, deep and throaty. Adrenalin rushed through her body producing that primitive fight or flight reaction in an instant.

He filled the doorway. It was the only entry and exit to her small office on the first floor overlooking the Bus Terminal. The boss was away and the security guard was probably doing his rounds of the harbour view restaurants at the other end of the wharf shopping complex. She was on her own in more ways than one.

Standing up carefully, then moving around to the front of her desk, trying to look taller than her actual diminutive height and smiling as warmly as she could, she asked, using her best manager's voice, "Would you like to sit down?" He slumped into the nearest chair, legs spread-eagled.

"They've banned me from the bar. The barman said I had to come up to the Management Office and pay for the damage before they'll let me back in the bar. Is this enough?" He looked desperate as he handed her some crumpled notes pulled from his dirty trousers. Her mind was racing a mixture of fear and indignation, anger. The barman hadn't considered the danger he had placed her in, she made a mental note to give him the rounds of the kitchen, later, if she survived.

Looking at her visitor, she wondered how much danger was she really in, he seemed to be sober, if not, the invisible emotional switch, that most alcoholics have, would be thrown and he could potentially turn nasty, or worse, violent. Behaviour that she had witnessed before.

"Do you want a receipt?" she asked, hoping he would just leave, all the while estimating the level of danger. To her relief he replied, "Nah, just call them and say that I've paid for the damage so I can get a drink." He stood up. One minute she was looking at his face the next, his belt buckle. He was a giant at least seven foot tall and well built. His face had the helpless look of someone who wasn't quite right in the head. His expression showed regret, not the anger that he had apparently displayed the week before. He had a demeanour of quiet desperation.

His focus was on getting a drink and her focus was on escaping.

And then he was gone.

Leaning back against the desk her heart was pounding. Relief came followed very closely by anger. Major anger.

She picked up the phone . . .






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Comments by other Members



crowspark at 08:22 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Hi Diane,

This is excellent. First flash? Well this is a cracking start.

That is an excellent opener, a real attention grabber. I love the way you have given us details that not only tell us her situation but place her firmly in her location, that third paragraph is skilfully executed. Why would I stop there? The rest of it is also skilfull.
I loved this image:

He stood up. One minute she was looking at his face the next, his belt buckle. He was a giant at least seven foot tall and well built.


And that is a great twist. I feel sorry for the barman, and will our giant get his drink?

Well done!

Bill



Jumbo at 09:10 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Diane

Great writing. I'm with Bill on that - all the way!!

I loved the setting of the scene and the description of the woman's fear in having to deal with her visitor.

...and her relief once he has gone.

Nice one.

(And, btw, welcome to WW and the Flash Fiction group,)

jumbo


Prospero at 09:59 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Coo Diane! I wanted to know more. This guy what is he about? Strong enough to rip a door of its hinges, not quite right in the head, seven foot tall. Angry and then regretful...

Hell, I'LL BUY HIM A DRINK!

Great stuff! Keep 'em coming...

John

Jim Beard at 10:32 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Yes Di great writing indeed. I was captured by the way you took us through the emotions of intimidating fear to compassion for this giant of a man. From being the "guy who tore the door of its hinges" to having a "demeanour of quiet desperation."

All the best

Jim


di2 at 11:11 on 23 October 2005  Report this post
Wow guys, thanks so much for your feed-back, it means a lot. I'm blown away by your comments. Happy writing.
Regards, Di

SamMorris at 17:25 on 24 October 2005  Report this post
Hello Di, if this is your first piece of fiction than all I can say is well done you! I thought this was a good story, with some nice touches. I loved the 'invisible emotional switch, that most alcoholics have'. Keeps the tension running with a very neat observation.

Thanks for the Read.

Sam

choille at 21:36 on 25 October 2005  Report this post
Hi,
you're obviously a natural writer if this is your first piece of fiction. It's vivid and has conflict and tension and a complexity of emotion subtley told. Look forward to a further chapter.
All the best
Caroline


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