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Can`t Explain

by hailfabio 

Posted: 07 November 2005
Word Count: 127


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Something's changed, it's not the same.
When I met you, your number was my aim.

Bought you a present, for you to keep.
Thoughts of you in my mind, sown so deep.

Could always feel the smell of you.
Meeting up, was always long overdue.

To think of you, made me happy and sad.
Uncertainty of your feelings, drove me mad.

Connected to you, through your lies.
Couldn't help feeling, an emptiness inside.

Anxiety grows and confidence shrinks, the more you push me away.
You said I'd never get rid of you, I knew that was true in a way.

How can something this right, be wrong?
I reflect in your eyes, and I see what we had is gone.

How do I go on?

Can't explain.






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Comments by other Members



Brian Aird at 09:45 on 07 November 2005  Report this post
Another paradox and perhaps something of the 'Moody Blues/John Lodge' here; 'how can love feel so right and be so wrong?'

It's not as tight as 'Love', but do you want to tighten it?


Brian

The Walrus at 19:53 on 07 November 2005  Report this post
A stark piece that speaks of unrequited love, a place that no person can not have experienced at some point. And from this point? Acceptance can be the only answer.

I like the honest voice. Makes it very readable.

Christina

engldolph at 20:02 on 07 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen,

There is a lot in your poems I like.. fresh and direct..

but in this one, a bit to much cliché perhaps

you have brilliant lines like:

- Meeting up, was always long overdue

but they are a bit obscured by lines like:

- Just to know you where thinking of me, was all I needed.
&
- But I look into your eyes, and I see what we had is gone

Hope this helps

Mike



hailfabio at 14:24 on 10 November 2005  Report this post
Thanks for commenting,

Yes I guess those lines are quite cliche, I will work on freshening it up a bit.

Stephen

joanie at 18:59 on 12 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen. Sometimes you just can't explain!

Enjoyed.

joanie

Elsie at 20:58 on 12 November 2005  Report this post
Hi Stephen. I am wondering, although it would change a lot, would you be better to start with the second line? You could think of it as the 'can't explain' was the impetus for writing the poem, but has done it's job, and the rest of the poem can get along without it. (By the way, I won't be offended if you totally disagree - I sometimes hate people suggestions!)
Linda (Elsie)

hailfabio at 10:43 on 14 November 2005  Report this post
Thanks joanie and linda,

I think I will start with the second line. This is a much different poem now.

Thanks
Stephen


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