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That Cliff Richard Song

by bjlangley 

Posted: 07 December 2005
Word Count: 416
Summary: For Comedy Contest 3

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December the first, twenty four days to go,
To buy all the presents and wish for some snow,
Iíll pick up some cards and get them sent out,
A good time of year to give old friends a shout,
Thereís plenty of time, nothing will go wrong,
And theyíve started to play that Cliff Richard song

Fifth of December, thereís a whole twenty days,
So Iím off to a party with a friend who DJís,
Iím having a drink and dancing away,
And thinking of Santa riding his sleigh,
The season of goodwill, just cannot go wrong,
As Iím dancing away to that Cliff Richard song,

The tenth of December, fifteen days remaining,
The work Christmas party, was so entertaining,
Everyoneís merry; theyíve all had a few,
I chat to my boss and heís sick on my shoe,
But itís only the first thing to go wrong,
And I still quite enjoy that Cliff Richard song,

Fifteenth of December, just ten days left,
Iím doing some shopping when Iím a victim a theft,
Theyíve put up the prices, itís like being robbed,
I was so disappointed I went home and sobbed,
Why oh why is it all going wrong?
And can someone please stop that Cliff Richard song?

Eighteenth of December, thereís only a week,
The postmen are striking, left me up shit-creek,
Buying online will save time they said,
But why couldnít they leave the parcel in the shed?
Thereís bugger all time and itís all going wrong,
And I canít get away from that Cliff Richard song

December twenty first, four days remain,
And Iím seriously tempted to escape on a plane,
I went to the shop, but canít buy a turkey
The water is turning unquestionably murky,
What did I do to make it go wrong?
And I sick to the stomach of that Cliff Richard song,

Twas the night before Christmas, just twenty four hours,
And if Iím to do this Iíll need superpowers,
The turkey, the presents, the card, and the tree,
Why does it depend on little old me?
The worst Christmas ever, itís all gone so wrong,
And Iíll murder Cliff Richard for singing that song,

Christmas dayís here, and though it took me all night,
The presents were wrapped, and everythingís right,
The children are smiling, and dinnerís near done,
Who would have thought it could be so much fun?
Thank the magic of Christmas that it didnít go wrong,
And eleven months without that Cliff Richard song

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Comments by other Members

Flying Tart at 10:08 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi Ben
Well done. We've obviously both been traumatised by years of piped Xmas compilation albums in shopping malls! I know just how you feel, and it's only the 8th! Roll on Boxing Day.


syorkslad26 at 12:22 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi BJ,

Thoroughly enjoyed this. It could almost pass for a Christmas song itself. It would make a nice change to the usual crap we get as number one's each year. At least this one is more honest about the whole christmas experience. Finally, a song / poem that really brings home the potential misery of the season. Loved how "The Cliff Richard Song" (I won't say it's name) is cherished at the start and loathed by the end, I think this is the case with most Christmas songs come the big day, isn't it? Anyway, keep it up. Only seventeen more days to go.


baumski at 14:04 on 08 December 2005  Report this post
Hi Ben,

As my wife won't have anything said against 'The Chosen One', I just wanted to say how much I enjoyed your poem because it beats the s**t out of Mistletoe and Wine.


Account Closed at 08:04 on 09 December 2005  Report this post
Nice one Ben!
Encapsulates the stress and why it's all worth it in the end (isn't it?!) Which CR song is it? Summer Holiday?

In France we don't get the Chrismas muzak and I have to say, I quite miss it (not CR, though)


Deborah at 15:23 on 28 December 2005  Report this post
Now it's all over - this is brilliant (not that it wouldn't have been brilliant before... oh bugger... here, have my spade...)

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