Login   Sign Up 


Whisper In My Ear

by BorderBound 

Posted: 06 January 2006
Word Count: 958
Summary: first draft

Font Size

Printable Version
Print Double spaced

Content Warning
This piece and/or subsequent comments may contain strong language.

The blue cap sat on the table in front of me. I sat at my desk, typing a letter of defeat. I looked at the bottle. There was only one left, I’d have to keep it for when I really needed it. I needed more. He walked through the door and sat on the couch. I ignored him. He sat there wearing the same clothes he always did, dirty bastard. Smiling at me as if he thought I liked that smile. Looking me up and down, knowing I noticed’ pretending he still fancied me.
’I thought you never wanted to see me again?’ He stood up and walked towards me, pointed at the blue bottle. ’You can’t threaten me with that, you’ll never take it’ Still typing, still focused on the monitor, I became more and more aware of his presence. ’I spoke to him today’’ I froze for a second but quickly began typing again, ’He says hi’’ he got on his knees and tried to catch my eyes and whispered almost emotionally’ ’He misses you’’
He got back up and raised his voice once more, ’well! I mean, of course he does’ and you miss him too, I know that’ I glanced at the blue bottle and then back at my letter. ’You want to take the pills? All of them’ and never see me again’’ I ignored him’ focused on focusing on anything else. ’Would you look at me? DAMNIT! WOULD YOU ACKNOLEDGE ME!’ he stared at me’ I felt it, but I didn’t look at him. ’Then why am I here? Why did you want to see me?’
I closed my eyes and muttered under my breath’ ’I didn’t’
He laughed and threw his hands up in the air, ’it speaks!’ He put them back down to his side and leant in to whisper cold words in my ear, ’then why am I here?’
He circled the small room, laughing out of frustration, ’you love me, I know you do’
Still focused on the letter, still typing, I didn’t look at him, ’I never loved you’
’Of course you did, fuck; you were in love with me’’ I felt the passion in his smile, ’I turned you on’ he sat on the desk and swung his legs back and forth, waved his hand in front of my eyes, ’yoo-hoo’ man that you’ll never get over is paying you some attention’’
Music started playing from my alarm, I squinted my face, angry that I had been so stupid.
’Is ’ is that your alarm? ’ wow, I feel loved, truly’ he got up and swayed from side to side, singing ’there is no one else’ and the reason for my fall was lost in romance’ there is no one else’’ he stopped dancing and stood behind my chair, starting playing with my hair, ’you remember all the nights we made love to that music? We kept thinking we were going to wake him up, you got really embarrassed when he called for you and you were’ well, otherwise engaged, shall we say’ he stopped playing with my hair and looked at the monitor, ’you’re really serious about this huh’ is it that bad?’
I looked away from the screen and at my feet, ’I can’t do it anymore’’
’You can! You have to!’
’Why? It’s not good enough for me anymore, I need something’ different’
’Someone else you mean’
’Someone better?’
I shook my head, ’go away’ I looked back at the monitor and tried to regain focus.
’Stop typing!!’ I made a quick attempt for the pills, but he got in my way, ’if you take them’ if you write that letter’ if you do this, I’ll be gone so fast!’
His eyes were almost real, and those were almost real tears forming in his eyes, he stood there, wearing the same clothes that he had always done, crying out for me to keep him. ’Maybe I need you gone’ I turned back to my letters, I needed more anyway.
’If you really wanted me gone you wouldn’t have our song as your alarm! STOP TYPING!’
He screamed at me as I pressed the print button, followed me as I went to the kitchen to get an envelope and a stamp. ’You don’t want to do this, don’t write to them, don’t say goodbye’ I love you, - what about me? Don’t I get a say? I want to see you, I don’t want to say goodbye’
He followed me down the road to the post box, danced around me frantically; screaming. ’Don’t’ please’’ those tears were almost real.


I hadn’t gone to work, I hadn’t seen anyone, I sat in bed and ignored him. I was going to be strong. This was it. The following week my package arrived. I hadn’t slept; I sat by the door waiting for it.
’No’ NO! NO’’ he looked at me and whispered soft ’I love yous’ ’I don’t want to say goodbye to you’’
I swallowed two. It took a few moments, he cried. But those weren’t real tears. He faded as the memory he had always been. Maybe it was the drugs working already, or maybe he was angry with me. I wasn’t sure if it was too late, or too soon. I got back into bed, with only his photograph besides me. Him, me, and our darling. Both of them gone now. For good. I was only in bed for a few seconds before my alarm went off, and then my tears came’ ’There is no one else’’ but there were no soft whispers by my pillow, no more I love You’s. The house was empty and cold’ and I missed him.

Favourite this work Favourite This Author

Comments by other Members

Account Closed at 19:48 on 07 January 2006  Report this post
Ooh, this is absolutely rivetting. The main character voice is very strong - I think you need to give more clues as to gender earlier on though - I am being trad and guessing female?! Also there's a lot of weird symbols so quite hard to read - but well worth it ...

Hope there's more of this!


Sibelius at 15:37 on 08 January 2006  Report this post
Hi Gal,

I liked the concept here, although a lot of people might say this kind of thing is not particularly original (I'd give some examples, but I don't want to spoil the story for other readers, but I'm thinking of several films).

Also on the plus side, the story gets into its stride quickly and the two main protagonists are well-defined, although the male character seemed fairly unsympathetic to me, which makes the other character's dilemma a little harder to swallow. I think giving a clearer sense of their original relationship would help. The sense of loss at the end may need strengthening as it seems almost like a kind of throwaway footnote at the moment.

There's also quite a lot of muddy stuff which I'm no doubt you'll sort in the later editing. A few things confused me, not least the opening sentence. I thought the cap referred to a hat and this was to be a military story of some kind!

You also mention a single pill at one point, then talk about pills later.

You make reference a third character right at the end, 'our darling', which I don't really understand. A child perhaps? If so why is not mentioned much earlier, surely a child would be an integral part of this process.

I also wondered about writing a letter and getting the pills through the post. Is that something you can do in reality? (If so, can you give me the address!!)

Anyway, best of luck with this.

Becca at 08:44 on 09 January 2006  Report this post
Hi Gal,
Ken's covered the points I'd thought to make. The language is strong, and there is emotion in the story, but it seems like a segment of a story, - not that you should give a load of back-story, but there isn't quite enough info. to give it legs so to speak. The odd symbols do make it hard to read, how do these come about?

amyjo at 19:52 on 10 January 2006  Report this post
i've just joined writewords after a long absence. I quickly read your story and really loved the langauge you use, it is a shame about the funny symbols but even with these in the way i flew through the story and found it passionate and a bit dark (which i like). Anyway i'm so out of practice at commenting on others work, so sorry if this is a bit crap - but i really like your voice.

To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .