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Ghazal exercise
Posted: 06 February 2006
Word Count: 48
Summary: I promise to try again soon and do this exercise justice!
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I think the same thoughts, incessantly
Despite trying to stop, incessantly
I struggle to find refreshing speech
But say the same things, incessantly
And my writing is so repetitive
For I use the same words, incessantly
This is really annoying me
So I've decided to end it, differently
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Comments by other Members
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 Shika at 16:30 on 06 February 2006
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Xenny, I liked the joke at the end. It really made me laugh. S
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Xenny at 16:59 on 06 February 2006
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Thanks Shika, I'm glad my distress has amused someone ;)
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 Nell at 17:17 on 06 February 2006
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Xenny,
Your emotion really comes across in this, but please don't be distressed - that's not what the exercise is for.
If you'd like to try again, think of an end word that you can write five mini-poems about, each complete in itself. An object might be safer than more abstract words. Forget about connecting them, just let go and write. Perhaps you'll lose yourself and write more than five so you can choose the most relevant ones. If you're really stuck for a line to get you going, pick up a novel and read a few pages - you're bound to come across something you can use.
And next time put the end word on the second lines of the couplets rather than the first.
I think you've spoken for a few of us with this poem - it may not be a true ghazal but it rings a bell, and the twist at the end feels like true rebellion!
Nell.
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tinyclanger at 17:27 on 06 February 2006
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Sums up my attitude this afternoon perfectly, Xenny. I think Nell's advice is sound and will follow it myself as I resume the struggle!
I think I'd try to juggle this so the incessantly comes at the end of the second line of the couplet, then you'd have the traditional form and it would develop the rhythm more.
A brave first attempt, well done!
x
tc
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Xenny at 17:37 on 06 February 2006
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Thanks Nell and tc!
I think I'm just having a bit of writing frustration - it's not the ghazal exercise that's to blame, don't worry. I know the exercise isn't about being distressed! I know it's meant to be light! Nell your advice is really good - I'm going to try and follow it tomorrow.
tc, I'll try and switch the repitition yes - I didn't pay enough attention to the rules.
X
<Added>
I've switched it now. Don't know if it's made the last lines lose some effect as they now scan with the others. I can't beleive I'm spending time on this poem!
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Nell at 18:54 on 06 February 2006
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Xenny, it actually works rather well - that 'incessantly' drives home the poem's message, and I can't help smiling at the final couplet no matter how often I read it.
Typo alert: repetitive
Nell.
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 Elsie at 20:14 on 06 February 2006
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Hi Shika - I do like the end line - it's exactly how I feel about having to repeat myself!
<Added>
Xenny - sorry - doing a Paul/Darren/ thing..
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DJC at 09:43 on 07 February 2006
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| Xenny - sorry - doing a Paul/Darren/ thing.. |
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And what is this supposed to mean...?
I like this a lot, Xenny - I like the way in which you move away from the form to comment on it at the end. It reminds me of the Haiku by John Cooper Clarke (who is mental):
Getting everything
in seventeen syllables
is very diffic
I like your idea a lot.
Darren
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Xenny at 14:28 on 07 February 2006
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Thanks Paul and Darren
I love that Haiku - it makes me very happy that such a poem exists! It's made my day
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 joanie at 17:23 on 07 February 2006
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Oh, wow, Xenny. I know what you mean; I am at that stage right now! Very amusing!
joanie
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Xenny at 03:47 on 08 February 2006
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Thankyou Mac and Joanie. I'm making a more serious attempt now though!
Mac, it's nice to see you pop in - thankyou for reading. I hope you're well x
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Xenny at 10:22 on 08 February 2006
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One last change (the final 2 lines). Now I'll leave it and concentrate on my other. Will be back later to comment, as Darren I see you've put yours up. Yey
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