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Flash Fiction #84: The Last Straw

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 11 February 2006
Word Count: 200
Summary: Your challenge this week is a Double Drabble. 200 words exactly. The theme is 'Trains and Boats and Planes' and these three words MUST appear somewhere in your entry: ten, green, bottles. You have until midnight on the 11th.


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Callie took her glasses off. The trip would be long, and she wanted to sleep. The rail link from London had been noisy and smelly; ten different people had disturbed her. The ferry ride had been impossible; the six hours of seasickness had left her drained and green.

Now she was on the plane, the fasten seatbelt light was off, she had a pillow and blanket, and her father's contribution to her journey had ensured a first class seat. That meant legroom, and a small row of miniature bottles lined up on the tray table. Her head was swimming, but she felt less ill than she had on the boat.

In satisfaction, she snuggled down into the seat and tucked the blanket around her. As her eyes drifted closed, she noticed the man next to her shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He turned and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Excuse me, but do you think you could talk to me for a while? I'm afraid of flying - if you could keep me occupied until we get to JFK it would be great."

She growled in rage and frustration, and bit him quite viciously, but the stewardess was very understanding.






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Comments by other Members



Jumbo at 13:16 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Ah, if only they were always that inderstanding!

The piece has a nice build up (although I'm still trying to figure out the strangeness of Callie's route to JFK!) - to culminate with that final element of her wimpish neighbour!

I did wonder if there was any significance in the name of 'Callie' and if it somehow explained her quite severe reaction. Sorry if I missed the link.

All the best

jumbo



crowspark at 14:29 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Nice flash Cai.

I agree with Jumbo.

Great ending.

Bill



Dee at 15:54 on 11 February 2006  Report this post


Well, Cai, push a girl too far and see what happens! Very weird ending indeed.

I kind of agree with Jumbo that, if you’re specific about real locations, then the details should be logical.

six hours - the seasickness had left her drained and green.
I think this would be smoother as:
six hours of seasickness had left her drained and green.

Great response to the challenge.

Dee



Jekyll&Hyde at 16:37 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Cailleachna,

This is an interesting piece of flash fiction. The last line certainly is a kicker!

I like how you encompass the journey of travelling she's been trough before she's on the plane.

That ending... pretty cool.

S.M.

sazzyjack at 16:42 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Hi Cai,
Really nice writing. It's been said a couple of times, but great ending.
Saz

optimist at 17:40 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Hello Cai,

I liked the ending too!

I confess defeat this week - no inspiration at all...

See you over in fantasy!

Sarah

Dreamer at 19:20 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Hi,

I've been on that channel crossing and know how she feels. Was fine until 'rivers' of puke started flowwing back and forth under my seat... anyway back to your story.

Nice take on the challenge and an unexpected ending.

Brian.

Cailleachna at 19:42 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
The logic of the journey is this...

It's cheaper to get a train from London to Holyhead, a ferry from Holyhead to Dublin and a flight from Dublin to JFK than it is to fly direct from London to New York.

Sad but true.






Dreamer at 19:45 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
I thought she had crossed the channel to France.

Brian.

choille at 21:17 on 11 February 2006  Report this post
Welcome on board,

Great little tale. Nowt like a bit of plane rage.

Loved the bite of an ending.

Caroline

Prospero at 10:16 on 12 February 2006  Report this post
You know Sharon, I recently treated someone for 'Fear of Flying' with my Hypnotherapist's hat on, but I didn't think to bite them. I might include it in my therapy next time.

Best

John

Prospero at 10:18 on 12 February 2006  Report this post
Brian

Do you have GPS? Because if you think you fly to JFK from the UK via France you probably need it.

Prosp

Jumbo at 10:49 on 12 February 2006  Report this post
Not so quick, prosp, my man.

Until quite recently if you wanted to fly to Boston (or, I believe, New York) from London Stansted with KLM the first leg of the journey took you to Skipol airport in Amsterdam where you transferred to the main trans-atlantic flight.

So perhaps JFK via France is not quite so stoopid!! May even be a little quicker than the KLM route.

jumbo (whose just gone solo - but not, unfortunately to Skipol, France or JFK!!))

Cailleachna at 15:34 on 16 February 2006  Report this post
Thanks guys. I really enjoyed writing this, actually - it was interesting writing something with such rigid rules!


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