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Mitzy Motzy Moo and the Marmalade Volcano

by LiverbirdLou 

Posted: 18 August 2003
Word Count: 632
Summary: The first 3 pages of my children's story consisting of 27 A4 pages.

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All was quiet in Grummington, the stars twinkled in the moonlit sky and the trees swayed gently providing a much needed breeze during the summer evenings. Mitzy Motsy Moo along with her sister Milky Moo were fast asleep under the moon and the stars, in fact almost everyone in the little community was fast asleep. Farmer AlSpud and his wife Suzie Sprout where sleeping peacefully in Cherry Truffle cottage which was situated at the bottom of Buttercup Meadow. Corky the Scarecrow was also asleep although if AlSpud ever found out he would not be too pleased as Corky was supposed to be looking after his crop, ensuring that those nasty crows which had been persecuting AlSpud throughout the summer stayed well clear of his newly laid crop.

Yes, all was peaceful, but one resident of Grummington was wide awake and devising a plan that would rock the foundations of Grummington and all that lived in the sleepy and peaceful village to the core.

"This plan will make us super rich Rubels," Said Spongie to his pet rat.

"Squeak, squeak," Replied Rubels.

Spongie sat at his desk, scribbling away, preparing all his plans for the morning.

"Tomorrow we will visit farmer AlSpud and inform him of our plans."

Rubels was busily licking his paws and hardly listening…"But for now my dear Rubels," continued Spongie. "We must get some sleep."

Spongie trotted off up the stairs to his bedroom carrying Rubels in his pyjama pocket. He climbed into his luxury four-poster bed and placed a sleeping Rubels next to him.

"Night, night my dear Rubels, rest now for tomorrow we have a big day ahead of us." With that Spongie turned out the light, closed his eyes and fell fast asleep.

Morning arrived with the warm sun high in the sky. Suzie Sprout was happily frying some eggs and bacon for AlSpuds breakfast while AlSpud himself was outside supplying Mitzy and Milky with their breakfast oats that they ate every morning. Corky meanwhile was chasing the farm cat Jigsy Tig around Buttercup Meadow as she tried frantically to gobble up the entire crop that had been laid by Farmer AlSpud.

Suddenly Corky noticed a large car in the distance and immediately recognised it as Spongie the Greasy Pig who owned Buttercup Meadow.

"Sir, sir…" Corky cried as he ran up to Farmer AlSpud waving his arms frantically in the air.

"Whatever is the matter Corky? Who is looking after the crop?" Farmer AlSpud folded his arms and looked rather cross.

"Never mind that Sir," replied Corky, Spongie is on his way! I saw his car while chasing Jigsy Tig off the crop!!!"

"Oh dear, right Mitzy and Milky I must get back to Cherry Truffle Cottage and inform Suzie Sprout that we have company."

And with that AlSpud ran as fast as his legs could carry him back to Cherry Truffle Cottage.

"Suzie, Suzie come quickly, come quickly," shouted an out of breath AlSpud as he banged on the cottage door.

"Calm down Dear, I am here. Whatever is the matter?" Asked Suzie in a worried tone.

We have a visitor, Spongie is on his way!" By now AlSpud was jumping up and down, his arms and legs flapping everywhere.

"Whatever could he want Suzie, whatever could he want from us? The rent is paid!!" AlSpud was very concerned.

"I don’t know Dear, it’s probably only a social call."

Suddenly there was a huge knock that startled Jigsy Tig who was busily cleaning her paws after her little game with Corky.

Suzie opened the heavy oak door to find a huge figure towering over her. Jigsy Tig however noticed Rubels who was hiding behind Spongie’s trotters. Without delay Jigsy Tig pounced and chased Rubels across the garden which was next to Cherry Truffle Cottage.

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Comments by other Members

roger at 20:38 on 18 August 2003  Report this post
Hi Lou,

This looks to me to be the start of a delightful story beautifully told.

Welcome to WW

LiverbirdLou at 12:00 on 19 August 2003  Report this post
Hi Roger,

Thanks for the comments. I've been working on this 'story' since October 2002 I originally thought of the idea after I had my daughter Emily and I was cleaning out her bottles..Mitzy Moo. Anyway, I finally finished it last week and after proof-reading it etc etc it is now ready to go to publishers.

I'm now working on a woman's novel, I've four pages of ideas for it so once I've done some on here I'll be adding it to this wonderful website!

Thanks and take care,



old friend at 14:35 on 21 September 2003  Report this post
Hi Lou,

When my children were young I used to tell them stories, making them up as I went along. Of course I also read their 'favourite books' - sometimes they wanted the same story over and over again!

I like your story (and the Volcano) and there is little I can suggest. I did feel the double-barrelled and triple-barrelled names would not be easy for children to read on their own but perhaps you mean the book(s)are to be read to the children.

While the general tenor of the story seems intended for a very young audience, there are many words that suggest a slightly older 'readership'. Take your first paragraph...'much needed','along with' (not 'and'?),'In fact','in the little community','which was situated','ensuring that'.

Comments not intended as criticisms but food for thought. All success to you.

old friend, Len

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