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Flash Fiction #88: Mirror

by Cailleachna 

Posted: 09 March 2006
Word Count: 284
Summary: This weeks challenge is 'The Morning After.' As usual, interpret any which way you like, Max 600 words, and usual deadline (midnight next saturday?)


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I stand staring at her too-thin figure, red hair straggly and blunt around her ears where she has chopped at it with the scissors. Some of the hair is still in the sink, the scissors glinting temptingly on top. Steam is rising from the bath behind her. I want to caution her that when she steps into it the heat will sear her pale skin, but I know that's the idea. Dark circles cling beneath her haunted blue eyes, a bruise is blooming on her chin, and a savage scratch ladders her left cheek. There is blood under her fingernails.

There's a packet of aspirin on the top of the toilet cistern next to a glass of water. Two are missing. Her clothes are bundled up underneath the sink, a plastic bag nearby waiting for them, as she has been told to do. They told her not to wash, either, but it would be beyond her endurance to obey that particular instruction.

She closes her eyes, and takes one deep breath after another. I have known her long enough to recognise this as panic control; something inside her is preparing to snap and she is doing her best to restrain it. Soon her breathing steadies a little and she looks at me once more. Her hands are clenched into fists, probably involuntarily.

She glances backwards at the razorblade on the side of the bath and raises an eyebrow at me. I shake my head slightly, almost imperceptibly. She knows my feelings on that. Little cuts on her thigh, some fresh, others almost healed, testify that she disagrees with me.

With a final deep sigh, she turns away from the mirror, and so do I.







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Comments by other Members



sazzyjack at 14:25 on 09 March 2006  Report this post
Wow, this was so powerful, and heart wrenchingly sad, but with a frustratingly realistic grubbiness.
It was obvious throughout that the speaker is looking at herself, but done from this detached viewpoint, the reader is able to fully understand her, and to see what has been done to her.

Excellent stuff.

darrenm at 16:46 on 09 March 2006  Report this post
Yes, wow again. This is savage(I mean that in a good way) writing. The best thing for me, you got over such sad, desperate situation and not a tear in sight, great.

Her clothes are bundled up underneath the sink, a plastic bag nearby waiting for them, as she has been told to do. They told her not to wash, either, but it would be beyond her endurance to obey that particular instruction.


...I think the experts call this 'show not tell', and how well you did it.

I'll leave the rest for the others to highlight, wonderful stuff.

Darren.

<Added>

Couldn't resist - loved the hair in the sink!

crowspark at 18:40 on 09 March 2006  Report this post
Powerful and effective Cai.

Full of self-hatred and threat. Love the separation between the observing self and the suffering self, and tension - "I want to caution her" "She knows my feelings on that" "she disagrees with me" and then the third element of the voices, "as she has been told to do" and "They told her not to wash, either" (don't think you need "either") all these voices lined up against all of her own control methods, "scissors glinting temptingly on top" boiling water, sleep deprivation, "Dark circles cling beneath her haunted blue eyes" beatings and scratches, razor cuts.

The title sets the framework but it also gives the game away if you wanted a twist. You could, for example change the title (In control?) and have the other her fade into the condensation on the mirror if you wanted a twist. (Just a suggestion, feel free to use or ignore - it is your work and great as it is)

Love that ending though, leaving us to wonder what will happen next.

Thanks for the read.

Bill

optimist at 20:11 on 09 March 2006  Report this post
Hello Cai,

What a powerful piece of writing - almost hurts to read it.

Can't really add to the comments above - very effective final line.

Sarah

Prospero at 08:38 on 11 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Sharon

Powerful and disturbing. Lots to read, and speculate about, between the lines. What has happened to her? Who are they?

a savage scratch ladders her left cheek


Ow! I could feel that.

Edgy, nasty, excellent.

John

Jumbo at 11:46 on 11 March 2006  Report this post
Sharon

Absolutely wonderful. This is so powerful. You draw us in so quickly and then keep hitting us as you let the story unravel - mainly in own own heads. Brilliant writing!

Great last line.

Can't pick out a single phrase to highlight - it's all so good!!

All the best

jumbo





choille at 23:26 on 11 March 2006  Report this post
Very powerful piece. The chopped hair, the self harming, the sheer distraught despair. The knowing of the other person present, who is watching her closely.
Very haunting.
All the best
Caroline.

Dee at 08:15 on 12 March 2006  Report this post
Sharon, as others have said… Wow. This is so powerful and haunting. The internal battle of wills externalised. The detachment of the narrator in order to keep control.

Brilliant. Just brilliant.

Dee


DerekH at 11:09 on 12 March 2006  Report this post
Seriously powerful and fantastic writing, Cai.

The duality in her watching herself is very effective.

Top flash,

Derek.


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