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Disjointed Parts (of you)

by Esther Frances 

Posted: 16 March 2006
Word Count: 335
Summary: A holistic love story...


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Your arms
are soft and welcoming
like a worn armchair
that has lost its precious stuffing
I want to sleep there
like a cat
curled up
in an exact circle

Your chest
a comfortable cushion
made with real horsehair
could adorn a dreary sofa
the armchair in question perhaps
and there
i may want to play
hide and seek
but never count to ten

Your hands
express innermost thoughts
They write in curious Braille
especially coded for me
They could compose music
or paint dark images
of you and me
if you so desired
them to

Your legs
hard and unyielding
like steady pillars
Used by you to seek direction
to walk, or to have sex perhaps
The purpose matters not
They sculpt rather serious steps
with unusual force

Your testicles, your penis
seem at odds with each other
Yet like a piston
and a hydraulic lift
they jerk together
into consciousness
connected by invisible strings
They connect you to me

Your heart
beats fast and furious
and yet I have little sense
of the erratic quality of it
How it waxes and wanes
and swings to and fro
How it lies to you
when you need to know the truth

Your mind
is totally out of sorts
with that heart that beats
It untimely rules you
with twineless thoughts
It holds you hostage
to repetitive patterns
that consciousness denies

Your soul
is finally awakening
It is a gentle soul
rubbing bleary eyes
It looks around
Anticipates the landscape
then returns to sleep a while….

And you
are not the packhorse
nor a package carried
by your thoughts
Not the undiscovered one
nor the mere shadow
on an illegitimate wall
You are alive, REALLY alive

And I
will lie with you
In beds, in baths, in unknown hallways
Sometimes in your head
but always in your heart
We will always smell of sex
and each have hidden knowledge
of what makes the other tick
And when dreary clouds
Reform and clear
You will remember me







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Comments by other Members



joanie at 22:15 on 16 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Esther. I love much of this: the first lines of each stanza, the second person, the delicious feeling that here is something beautiful. I have to say that, as far as I'm concerned, less is best, and I think that the first two lines of each stanza would make a lovely poem.

Your arms
are soft and welcoming

Your chest
a comfortable cushion

Your hands
express innermost thoughts

Your legs
hard and unyielding

Your testicles, your penis
seem at odds with each other

Your heart
beats fast and furious

Your mind
is totally out of sorts

Your soul
is finally awakening

And you
are not the packhorse

And I
will lie with you

You will remember me


That's drastic! ..but do you see what I mean?

I enjoyed it!

joanie











Esther Frances at 23:49 on 16 March 2006  Report this post
Dear Joanie

Many thanks for your comments - yes, it is a little drastic but you are right - I have been told before (by fellow poets) that less is often more but I never want to let go of any of it so that's my problem - I am beginning to realise that maybe the less you write, or even say, is often more - I guess it leaves room for reflection under the surface too. I appreciate the trouble you went to to reformat into your shorter version -thanks for that. Esther Frances

radavies1uk at 15:49 on 17 March 2006  Report this post
Heya Esther

I too have to agree with Joanie, although I think you could be less drastic and still keep Joanie's punchiness, and your own depth and passion.

Cheers.
Bob

joanie at 17:39 on 17 March 2006  Report this post
Hi Esther. I wasn't suggesting in any way that you prune it to that extent. I don't think that would be right, but it was to show the other extreme, I suppose. I agree with Bob.

joanie

Esther Frances at 20:49 on 17 March 2006  Report this post
Hey Joanie and Bob thanks for that - I will take it on board but please forgive me for the next one (What's a Valentine?)I will post because it is very long and you are meant to be exhausted by the time you finish reading it with great pace. Thanks again. Esther Frances.

Account Closed at 23:32 on 21 March 2006  Report this post
Esther ... I am a great believer in economy. Saying things concisely without paucity of language is a great discipline. You could have made this shorter and gone for "punch", but I feel the personal quality of this piece would have been lost. Its the adult version of the young teenagers crush, a more eloquent way of saying I fancy you because...Its a very personal piece to share because of that I think, so thank you for that. If anything it illustrates the dichotomy inherent in this art form. You want to hook your reader, land him gaping at your feet, but also - when writing from the heart - want to indulge the catharticism, the release the words have for yourself. There is often no right or wrong way, but ideally a way that works for everyone that reads it.
More opinion than criticism.
Andy


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