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Milking Words

by steve_laycock 

Posted: 12 April 2006
Word Count: 190
Summary: This came from a free writing excercise i did a little while ago. It's another performance piece and i guess i want to know if it works on the page
Related Works: Lucifer, Devils • 

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Milking words for what they're worth,
Dreaming of giving birth to a poem that brings the sounds of every vowel alive
Crushing the constantans into a constant stream of broken beats that take a dive
Into the subconscious ether where the rhymes come forth freely
And alliteration allows another angry dream to pass
into an aesthetic pool of words that forms upon the page.

No changes, no deleting, no repeating, not a feat
Because the words just keep on coming,
Never thinking
Never drumming on the table
Never roll another ciggy
Cause I'm able
Cause the words just keep on coming
And the battle cry is drumming
And I'm feeling like I'm winning
Cause I'm fine with all my sinning.
And I'm reviewing what I see
And I'm liking what I hear
So I just keep on my writing
Cause I'm seeing what is lying in the place when I stop trying
When I allow myself to be
In a mind that's truly free
And not free cause I'm not oppressed
But just free cause I'm not dreaming
Cause I'm sure the only real oppression
Is oppression of the self






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Comments by other Members



NinaLara at 20:58 on 17 April 2006
Hi Steve,

I really like the first part. I seems to read quite like prose, and I wonder whether it would be worth writing this section in prose style? I think it may be quite a good contrast with the second part .... both visually on the page and in your performance. Section 1 is very thoughtful, considered, dreamy .... while section 2 is full of rhythm ... a song, really.

Does it work on the page? Well ... back to my old arguement about it being an oral piece where ever it is!!! I wonder whether you could think of ways to make the performance come out the page with spaces, shapes etc?

Just suggestions. Does the page matter in the age of DVDs?

James Graham at 18:55 on 19 April 2006
Hi Steve - The second part works a lot better for me. In the first part I lose my bearings when get to the bit with the consonants taking a dive into the 'subconscious ether' and rhymes emerging. I keep thinking I know what that means, then realise I don't after all. If I heard you perform the poem the impression might be different, but I imagine there would still be a feeling there was something a bit woolly in there.

The second part works well. Repetitions and rhymes are nicely placed so that there are jumps and jolts, the expected rhyme or echo is delayed or comes sooner, and so on. This would be good to hear performed - it would surprise the ear.

Is it ok on the page? Yes, but the reader should 'read aloud silently' to get the most out of it. That's ok - we can all do that. I think I'm saying that it's like a speech in a play text; it's better performed, but in printed form we can still get something from it.

James.

Mr B. at 19:55 on 29 May 2006
The variation in stucture and rhyme helps make this an engaging piece of meta-poetry. The narrative voice in the first part seems angry, changing to obsessive in the second. I particularly like the shifts from the writing on the page to the environment surrounding the poet.

Nice one!

A

Vulgar at 00:25 on 30 May 2006
"Milking words for what they're worth,
Dreaming of giving birth to a poem that brings the sounds of every vowel alive"

I liked that.

This was simple as a whole, the rhythm in the beginning almost rolled off the tongue. It was almost fast-paced in a way. You should try a more complex, multiple rhyme scheme when you write next time.

For example:

Thenstead of "bed spread" rhyming with "inside I feel dead"
Rhyme "bed spread" with "another wound mended" or "well fed"

Just as long as it makes sense and you agree with it. Then it works.

Keep doing you

<Added>

"Milking words for what they're worth,
Dreaming of giving birth to a poem that brings the sounds of every vowel alive"

I liked that.

This was simple as a whole, the rhythm in the beginning almost rolled off the tongue. It was fast-paced in a way. You should try a more complex, multiple rhyme scheme when you write next time.

For example:

Thenstead of "bed spread" rhyming with "inside I feel dead"
Rhyme "bed spread" with "another wound mended" or "well fed"

Just as long as it makes sense and you agree with it. Then it works.

Keep doing you


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