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My Girlfriend Exploded

by Swoo 

Posted: 01 May 2006
Word Count: 184
Summary: spleen-venting :-)


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My Girlfriend Exploded


She wants me
calls me - baby -
pulls me close. No, closer.

She grabs my hair, a fistful,
stares into my sneer. Such
wretched, weeping eyes.
She sighs

ineedyou
shegroans
INEEDYOUINEEDYOUINEEDYOU
inhales
I NEED YOU

LOOK, she sniffs,
my nose is running
my poor red nose
KISS LICKLE NOSE
she pants
she clings
and sticky strings of thin white spit
gather on her lips

I NEED MY INHALER


She starts to inflate.
First her cheeks
pumped and purple
then her neck
veins swell
visible pulse

Dickhead.
Now her chest, her breasts, wow -
two hot air balloons, two big
bouncy castles stretch and creak and
push apart the world between us.
Her bullish legs
turn elephant,
ten bloated toes, ten
fat little tragedies.

DON’T LEAVE ME
I NEED YOU
I’M. GOING. TO. DIE.

My girlfriend rises,
she floats
over the laundry, the litter, our ruin,
takes out the ceiling, the aerial,
the tiles and the chimney. Up she goes

way over the pylons
the fields, the mud, the scars,
her need so vast
it shrinks her
to a tiny
dot.








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Comments by other Members



joanie at 15:56 on 01 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Swoo. I really enjoyed reading this; it would be great performed, I think. The visual images are fantastic but I can feel your emotions coming through thick and fast!

I like the words without spaces, which is very effective, and the way the lines themselves tail off to nothing at the end, to emphasise the meaning.

I'm not sure whether to laugh aloud or think it's sad - I have done both!

Great one.

joanie

crowspark at 21:55 on 02 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Swoo,

This is a great piece. Love the title.

Great tension surrounding

She grabs my hair, a fistful,
stares into my sneer.


Yes, running the words together works well, it all does.

She starts to inflate.
First her cheeks
pumped and purple
then her neck
veins swell
visible pulse

Dickhead.


Brutal but effective.

I feel a little guilty enjoying it quite so much, but I did.

A performance piece. I'm cheering and stamping my feet.

Bill

DeadPoet at 10:30 on 03 May 2006  Report this post
I think I have to agree with the person who said they felt guilty for enjoying the piece. What I liked most about it was the humour in the tale and the deeper meaning - that this woman has allowed her need for someone else to take over. Loved the pace in this too. V


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