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...but keep your enemies closer still...

by Katy Kat 

Posted: 19 May 2006
Word Count: 370
Summary: not really what I wanted to write but once the idea was in my head couldn't get it out - best I could do


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Maxine McSorley was bad, blonde and beautiful. She did sex, drugs and rock'n'roll. She wore black leather and rode her brother's Harley-Davidson. Her brothers called her Mad Max.

As she closed the Yellow Pages a chill of anticipation ran through her. Not long now. She picked up the phone.

It wasn't just that she hadn't been invited. It was the humiliation that stuck in her throat. Her friend Bennie had shown her the invite that everyone else in the final year had received. Celebrate! End of 'A' levels BBQ to be held in the grounds of the Wilson residence 45 Bankside Close ... RSVP..

Andrea Wilson didn't like Maxine. She was loud and common and her language would shame a Millwall supporter.
Andrea would be embarrassed by her presence so she wasn't invited.

The Desk Sergeant put down the phone and ran his finger down the list...extension 42. He picked up the phone again. "John? Tony here - front desk..."

The weather was perfect. The lawns were immaculate. Ice chinked against crystal and aromatic herbs perfumed the warm breeze. Mr and Mrs Wilson were the perfect host and hostess, graciously tolerant of the Doc Martens as they trampled pampered grass in time to the beat of some awful noise...

The unmarked police van parked up in the cul-de-sac and the officer radioed his position.

Initially the bump and bang of the music drowned out the sound of the mixer wagon as it reversed up the driveway of No 45 and, as instructed, tipped a couple of tons of concrete onto the lawn. And it was as a bewildered Mr Wilson tried to make sense of the unexpected delivery that the police loud hailer could be clearly heard above the music.

'This is the police. We have cordoned off the premises and no one is to leave the area. We have received information that drug dealers are active in this assembly and we ask that you co operate with the officers as they carry out their search of your person and belongings...

Neighbours had gathered to watch the proceedings and moved aside to make way for the local outside broadcast vans and the press.

The humiliation of Andrea Wilson was complete.









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Comments by other Members



Jubbly at 11:10 on 19 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Katy, this was fun and just what the reader wanted to happen. Just wondered if this sentence was meant to have run on - And it was as a bewidered Mr Wilson tried to make sense of the unexpected delivery ...

The police loud hailer could be clearly heard above the music.

It jarred slightly for me and I thought there might be a word missing.

Loved the last line.

Cheers

Julie

crowspark at 12:02 on 19 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Katy

I enjoyed your flash. Great title and strong opener.

Loved,

The weather was perfect. The lawns were immaculate. Ice chinked against crystal and aromatic herbs perfumed the warm breeze.


Small nit - "Maxine Mc" threw me for a second, do you need Mc?

Great idea well executed.

Bill



Katy Kat at 13:07 on 19 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Julie

Thanks for reading and comments. I know what you mean about the run on but I'm not quite sure how to re do it. Will have a think and am open to suggestions....

Best wishes

Kate

Katy Kat at 13:10 on 19 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Bill

Thanks for comments and you're right about the Mc. Will edit.

Glad you enjoyed the tale.

Best

Kate

choille at 12:01 on 20 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Kate,

Loved the description of the MC and the contrast between the 'nice' Wilson's.


The weather was perfect. The lawns were immaculate. Ice chinked against crystal and aromatic herbs perfumed the warm breeze. Mr and Mrs Wilson were the perfect host and hostess,
Two perfects jarred for me a little.

Really liked the way this describes the Wilson's middle classness & their attitudes -It's great.
...graciously tolerant of the Doc Martins as they trampled pampered grass in time to the beat of some awful noise...


Great comeuppance

All the best
Caroline.

Katy Kat at 12:48 on 20 May 2006  Report this post
Thanks Caroline

I hadn't actually noticed the two 'perfects' together.

Glad you liked it and thanks for reading and comments.

Best

Kate

optimist at 22:10 on 20 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Katy,

I did like this especially the trampled pampered grass and the Doc Martens - and the concrete revenge!

Sarah

Prospero at 03:11 on 24 May 2006  Report this post
Very good Katy, loved the hint in the story's title. This dish was definitely eaten cold.

Best

John

Katy Kat at 16:07 on 24 May 2006  Report this post
Thanks John. I love a good revenge story don't you?

Best
Kate



Prospero at 04:22 on 25 May 2006  Report this post
Ah! Are you referring to 'A warm send off" :)

Best

John

Katy Kat at 15:41 on 25 May 2006  Report this post
Sorry John

Got my numpty head on. I've missed something here I can tell. Nobody ever tells me jokes cos they always have to explain them...

Kate


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