Login   Sign Up 



 

Joe`s War Chapter II

by Bianca 

Posted: 26 May 2006
Word Count: 885
Summary: The second chapter (at last) of Joe's War. At some point I will give it a more inspiring title.


Font Size
 


Printable Version
Print Double spaced


Joe attracted a considerable amount of female attention as he walked through the Croydon streets. His fair hair, toned body and Celtic features made him a handsome young man and his smile alone left many young girls wanting more. They were too late though.. Two years earlier he had literally bumped into the girl he was to fall in love with. He was running to catch a trolley bus and almost knocked over a petite young teenager. He missed the bus but made a date with her to meet outside the Roxy picture house that evening. When Olive Dyer arrived home from work that day, she announced to her family that she had met the man she was going to marry. Her family smiled – she was sixteen years of age.

It was to Olive’s family home that Joe was now heading. The thirty minute walk gave him time to think over the argument that had just taken place at his own home. It was his mother he felt for. He had stopped respecting his father long ago. Michael Farrell thought nothing of lifting his fists to his wife, let alone his children. “I don’t even like him, let alone love him” mused Joe. Father O’ Connell would have a field day if I went to confession with that he thought.

As he turned into the street where Olive lived, his face broke into a smile. This was the effect Olive had on him. He had asked her to marry him some months earlier and she had accepted without hesitation. In fact she said “yes” before he had even finished the question. This was followed by Olive running home shouting “Joe and I are getting married”. Her father rose from his fireside seat when she ran into the kitchen, followed by a sheepish looking Joe.

“Would have been respectful for you to have my permission before all and sundry knowing” he remarked.

“Well, I know that” Joe had stammered “ but Olive didn’t give me a chance, she said yes and …”

Olive’s father laughed “I know my Olive” he grinned. She would have said “yes” to you from the first day you met. Of course you have my blessing Joe. It will make us proud to have you as a son-in-law.”

Joe shook his hand and thanked him. “And I shall be proud to be a member of this family” he replied.

As Joe approached Olive’s home, he thought of the sharp contrast between this family and his own. This house was tranquil. It was not just because the family had less members than his own, but it was full of chatter, banter and love. There was love in his own, especially from Frances, but everybody lived in fear of Michael’s return from work or the pub.

Olive was watching for Joe from the front parlour window. She had not seen him for four weeks. The furniture factory Joe worked for in Croydon had relocated to South Wales three months earlier and Joe had been offered a managerial job if he moved with them. The wages were good, which meant that he could save more money for the wedding and could also give some to his mother who was constantly struggling to make ends meet. Both Frances and Olive missed him terribly. The only consolation for Frances was that she would not have to witness the arguments between her oldest son and his father, whilst the prospect of an early wedding kept Olive’s spirits up. Every four weeks Joe would leave Wales and hitch various lifts to get him back to South London, leaving Friday evening and setting off back after Sunday lunch..

Olive came running from the house when she saw Joe. Joe lifted her up in his arms and twirled her around before standing her in front of him and kissing her long and hard. Michael Farrell would have been horrified at such displays of affection, let alone in public but Olive’s family were used to these monthly reunions. Olive’s two sisters had to be dragged away from the window by their mother. Joe buried his face in Olive’s freshly washed hair which tumbled past her shoulders. He held her close to him for a few more minutes wishing they were married and he could whisk her off to bed. How was he to tell her that ht wedding may have to be delayed a little instead of being brought forward.

The two young lovers went for a walk around the park after tea. It was quite a grand example, with a bandstand, glorious flower beds and a large duck pond. When there, they could almost forget the nightly bombings over Croydon airfield and the surrounding suburbs.

They sat on a bench watching a family feeding the ducks’ bread which had seen better days. All forms of life seemed to suffer during a war it seemed to Joe. Olive chatted away about a month’s worth of family happenings, her job, and her married sister’s forthcoming baby. Joe enjoyed listening to Olive’s accounts of local gossip. She was a good raconteur and added her own amusing quips, which made Joe chuckle. Knowing the wedding plans would soon be the topic, Joe decided to forestall her and let her know what he had decided.






Favourite this work Favourite This Author


Comments by other Members



Nell at 14:57 on 30 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Bianca,

I'm printing this out - get back to you with comments soonish.

Nell.

lang-lad at 15:38 on 30 May 2006  Report this post
Bianca,
I'm struggling, I confess, to get time to write an in depth response to anything right now so am confining myself to one question in the hope it'll offer as much insight as a long observation.

The word "account" rather than a story came to mind as I read because it skips along very well but without going into depth on a lot of episodes that could be gone into or is it that this is the lead-in to the actual story, one you are working up to?

Sorry I can't linger for longer.
I hope the others can add more depth to their comments. I do want to know the answer to my probably dumb question however.
cheers
eliza



Bianca at 16:47 on 30 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Eliza

Thank you for your comments.

I too have been struggling for time and to be honest, feel that I may have rushed this chapter as I was determined to get on with it.

Following on from some feedback on the first chapter, I tried to hold back on this one from giving too much detail. I feel that this chapter does not hold too much interest for that reason.

As you may know, this story is based on a true family story. Because the period when most of it takes place is 60 years ago, I am trying to get information from some elderly family members as well as research into the campaign in which Joe fought and both of these avenues take time.

I am not expecting to seek publication (though it would be nice) but to tell Joe's story for a few new generations of his family.

Again, thanks for your comments. They are much appreciated.

I hope you will continue reading it.

Shirley

Harry at 02:18 on 31 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Bianca,

It looks like there's a good story in here: love, violence, family problems.

It reads as very rushed to me though. You tend to tell us everything rather than showing us events that we can become involved with.

The love at first sight meeting is one example. I'd have loved to have re-lived this with Joe as he wandered down the streets.

As he arrives at Rose's place, you, again, tell us about the differences between the two households rather than letting us see them.

But as I said, it looks like a great story, and I'm looking forward to reading more.

All the best

Harry



Nell at 13:30 on 31 May 2006  Report this post
Hi Bianca,

I think this is working as a first draft/outline of this part of Joe's life - you can always fill it out later. I believe I said in a comment on the first chapter that you've good material/potential here for a powerful story, and bearing in mind your intentions for that, this is a good start.

A few small points: I couldn't help thinking about the narrator when reading - that's the trouble with a true account, even if it's partly creative - one tends to keep asking how the writer knows those things, as sometimes you're in Joe's POV and sometimes in Olive's.

I went back to look at chapter one - you seem firmly in Joe's POV throughout except for the last sentence when you switch to Frances', and I have a feeling that staying with Joe (it is his story after all) would serve you better than slipping in and out of the different characters. It would give you the opportunity to show more of what's going on inside the man. I want to warn you to take care not to tip this section into over-sentimentality - everything seems a little too sweet - they're in love but maybe they need at least one shadow, even if that's Michael's nature and Joe has the burden of keeping it from Olive or breaking her in to the reality with sensitivity.

There are a few typos (missing commas after speech, missing letters, and a plural 'ducks' with an apostrophy that's not needed); repetitions (two instances of 'followed' in para 3 and three instances of 'his own' lower down), and one or two slightly awkward sentences. A 'may' (...the wedding may...) which should have been 'might'.

Looking forward to more though - keep quizzing those rellies!

Nell.

Bianca at 08:01 on 01 June 2006  Report this post
Thanks Harry for your comments.

I have to admit to rushing this chapter, being aware of the gap between the two chapters. Taking your comments and those of others on board, I intend to use chapter II as a working draft and make changes.

Will take on your observations regarding Joe's thoughts etc and show a little more to his character.

Thanks again

Shirley






Bianca at 08:05 on 01 June 2006  Report this post
Hi Bell

Thank you very mnuch for your comments.

As you may have read,I rushed this chapter in an attempt to get something on paper, so yes, it is now a working draft.

Am visiting one of Joe's sisters in a couple of weeks so shall have my notebook and pen with me!

Shirley



Tuppworth at 14:53 on 02 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Bianca

I've just had a glance at Joe2. I particularly enjoy stories concerning how the war affected the behaviour of families etc. Overall, I enjoyed your writing but the one area I would recommend expanding on is Joe's relationship, or apparent lack of it, with his father. I think if you elaborated on this, it would enable the reader to better appreciate some of Joe's actions and behaviour later. As it is, the juxtaposition of his father and Joe's meeting with Olive doesn't seem stark enough. By enlarging on the memory of his father, the subsequent meeting with Olive could appear as a welcome relief, a contrast to the darker elements associated with his father.

I hope you don't mind my comments.

Bets wishes

Pete


To post comments you need to become a member. If you are already a member, please log in .