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by mattswan 

Posted: 05 June 2006
Word Count: 77

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I once woke up,
    about 4 in the morning

It was dark,
    too dark to see

I looked around the room,
    and all that i could see

Was you my love lying there,
    right beside me

You looked so beautiful,
    so innocent and free

It dawned on me this morning,
    that this was meant to be

You are my comfort my muse
    my other half of me

I will love you forever,
    forever the sun shall be.

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Comments by other Members

radavies1uk at 22:51 on 06 June 2006  Report this post
Heya Matt :)

Some good stuff here, I checked out your others too. You capture the moment well and get across the emotion clearly. It does however seem a little too logical (maybe the rhyme) or thought out (I do a similar thing I think with poems of this type) Try and go deeper, get not at what you think, but at what you feel, really, right deep inside :)

It might help to drop the rhyming or try a different stanza format so that you're not constrained by unnecessary rules for a while. I'd love to read more :) Keep 'em coming :)

Bob :)

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