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Cinquains

by NinaLara 

Posted: 04 July 2006
Word Count: 123
Summary: The first is traditional, the last modern.


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Cinquain behind the nets


Two Asian lads, not short on a bob o’two wi’ t’BMW
stretched up by her’s at 33. I’m tellin’ thee
it’s niver class Cs she’s peddlin’. It’s indiscreet
what wi’ t’Commissioner o’ Police up end o’ t’street.
Lass’ll fetch up in t’New Hall wi’aut a key, tha’ll see.


Rose Cinquains


Falstaff
bloody purple
folds, tucks, oozes
romps in a port stained corset.
Voluptuous.

*******

Allen Chandler
yellow-eyed crimson
dazzles, bounds, clowns
eager puppy flops all summer.
Dandy.

***********

Compassion
apricot rouge
spreads, wraps, stretches
satin legs molest the postman.
Tart.

***********

Janet
ivory blush
droops, weeps, wrinkles
jilted bride in a lace bonnet.
Shame.

***********

Alberic Barbier
cream flush
waits, delays, ripens
sugared almonds hatch Turkish delight.
Toothsome.

............






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Comments by other Members



Elsie at 20:29 on 04 July 2006  Report this post
Five by five. Very good, I thought they were fuschias - till I went back and read the title (duh!)

Elsie at 09:55 on 05 July 2006  Report this post
There's even more in these short lines in reading a second time - it's wonderful how they have people's names, set against the bizarre description. I love the tarty one that molests the postman.

joanie at 16:48 on 05 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Nina. Unmmistakably Yorkshire, the first one! This wasn't here originally, was it? I'm glad you've done both forms; I'm thinking about the other. I like them all, especially the title of the first!

I love the idea that the different roses have different characters, very well conveyed in these. I can imagine that you love them, almost like people, from your comment (was it in the Poetry Seminar Forum??)

I shall try to chose a favourite .... definitely Janet - an endearingly sad portrait!

Are these the actual names of the type of roses? If so, what a lovely idea!

I enjoyed them very much.

joanie





NinaLara at 19:36 on 05 July 2006  Report this post
Dear Joanie, the Yorkshire one was there originally - maybe the whole window didn't appear on your oyster!

These are all real rose names, yes. I bought them from David Austin when I first moved here. This is their 3rd summer ... I used to love gardening but haven't had much time for it recently. I still love watching them come into bloom, though!

Nell at 07:53 on 06 July 2006  Report this post
Hi Nina,

Coming late to these - I hadn't expected everyone to be so quick off the mark - I haven't started yet!

I like the originality of the first and would love to hear it spoken by a Yorkshirewoman - my attempt to read it aloud was pathetic! Great title too.

Love the rose cinquains, the sensuous suprises in the language of the third and fourth lines - something you do very well. A great response - hope you're sending work out!

Nell.

NinaLara at 08:51 on 06 July 2006  Report this post
Thanks Nell and Elsie!

sending work out where?



paul53 [for I am he] at 08:13 on 08 July 2006  Report this post
I'm afraid my server has done something daft with your first cinquain, sticking small squares everywhere - probably instead of the single quotes.
As for the Rose Cinquain:
These are exceptional and inspired. I found myself longing for the ability to stare at flowers and get so much from the experience. Perhaps this is an awareness of some of the things we lose on our journey through life. If so, then the Rose Cinquain has served to do much much more than describe with acuity your observations.


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