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interesting

by o11ie 

Posted: 04 August 2006
Word Count: 119
Summary: something I wrote whilst meditating alot
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Interesting, thoughts, aren’t they?
Fleeting and momentary
Groundless and subjective
They’re invisible
No one can hear them
Except us
Sometimes even we can’t
Yet there power
Is untouched in this world
Even nature
In it’s rawest forms
Is touched fatally
By these imagined,
Created, and empty nothings
Hydrogen bombs like volcanoes
From thoughts of protection
Comes such destruction
Rainforests destroyed
To feed our greedy minds
Our bodies scream at us
Stop, please stop
Obesity, poverty, crime, addiction
The list is endless
Yet still these unsubstantiated
Rumors rule us
Are we deaf?
Are we blind?
Or are we just numb?
Numb to the damage
These innuendoes and interpretations
Create within in and without
Without then within
Interesting thoughts, aren’t they?






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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 10:39 on 05 August 2006  Report this post
The first line as is was slightly confusing initially; perhaps another comma after "thoughts", or better still
thoughts,
interesting aren't they?
This begins as a good exploration of something we all do and take for granted.
I felt this piece was really two poems: the first [and best] ending at
Created, and empty nothings
, or even
By these imagined,
.
The second half, while seemingly a continuation of the ideas formed in the first half, dilute the raw power and interesting exploration of the initial premise.
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o11ie at 08:49 on 06 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Paul

Thanks for your comments. I will take them onboard. Again rewriting is needed. I go to a writing workshop and the facilitator is constanly banging on at me about rewriting. I'm going to have to start doing it!

ollie
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The Walrus at 20:14 on 06 August 2006  Report this post
I've never really thought of thoughts as interesting. I normally view them as pernicious little buggers.

I liked your ruminations, which I felt lent a certain reassurance to the insanity of excessive thinking.

I felt, also your poem touched on other issues, which were not to do with thinking?

Christina
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Iain MacLeod at 21:17 on 08 August 2006  Report this post
Hi Ollie,

As with Paul, the first line jarred a wee bit and I can't better his suggestions on fiddling with that.

I now have a mental image of wee thoughts rattling around everyone's heads like bluebottles, all seeking attention. The first half seems more about cause (perhaps not the best way to explain it), whereas the second is about effect - and quite effective for it.

all the best,

Iain
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o11ie at 22:29 on 09 August 2006  Report this post
Thank you guys

pernicious is a good word, I had to look it up (red face). Ian's on the ball really about the second half being about consequences of our thinking. But maybe it is taking on too many things for one piece. I'm not sure now!

ollie
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Kara at 15:56 on 03 June 2007  Report this post
I thought your poem would translate beautifully into dialogue in a short story. But that's probably neither here nor there. Emjoyed it.
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