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A Stolen Sleep

by John G.Hall 

Posted: 10 August 2006
Word Count: 97
Summary: Zzzzzzzzzzzz
Related Works: Adrift of love • 
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A Stolen Sleep

having slept next to
someone for ten years
my sleeping body hates
being alone in the dark

so much so that I only
have sex with people to
be able to snatch sleep
from a strangers shape

my boundaries no longer
the edges of my single
skin but four lungs of
synchronised dreaming's
trembled feeling along

a stitch of nervous cells
two interlocking question
marks hinging on the full

stops of morning grammar
the loner and the lonely lie
in the wink of a closed eye
spoken from a stolen sleep.




John G.Hall (c)2006






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Comments by other Members



Account Closed at 15:47 on 18 August 2006  Report this post
Loved the idea here, but I wondered about making it more personal and also tighter (ie keeping that four line stanza throughout), such as:

having slept next to
you for ten years
my sleeping body hates
being alone in the dark

so much so that I only
have sex with people
to snatch sleep
from a stranger's shape

my boundaries no longer
the edges of my single
skin but four lungs of
synchronised dreaming

trembled feeling along
a stitch of nervous cells,
two interlocking question
marks hinged on the full

stop of morning grammar:
the loner and the lonely lie
in the wink of a closed eye
stolen from my sleep.


Just a thought though! Whatever you do, it's still a very powerful piece.

A
xxx
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Beanie Baby at 20:14 on 22 August 2006  Report this post
I also happen to think this reads better in four-line stanzas but, as Anne says, it is a powerful piece however it is set out. It cleverly incorporates all the feelings of a good relationship gone wrong and the bitter disappointment that follows.

I love the lines:

the loner and the lonely lie
in the wink of a closed eye
stolen from my sleep.

but the poem as a whole stands up well.
Beanie
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