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Life of Mine

by jadeddreamer 

Posted: 13 September 2006
Word Count: 162
Summary: Just putting some clarity into words
Related Works: Docked • 

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Just sittin' beside my bed
another night come and gone
these four walls
claiming this place I call home

I still don't know
Which way I chose to go
Just another place
Just someone else's needs I have to meet

I have seen so many of these places
a blur all these faces
the lifetimes I've lived
none to call my own

I search for the path
the trail;
the one to call mine
the one I blaze
to set my moment in time

Somehow I still sit
wasting the gifts given to me
unintentionally letting life pass me by
until the answers I seek
there is no longer even a question

Each day,
I hope for a discovery
A little Inspiration
A little push to move these dreams of mine

No longer willing to bet on forever.
make the shadows retreat that pursue
I don't want to be a stranger
any longer to this life of mine
This destiny I choose.






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Comments by other Members



paul53 [for I am he] at 07:53 on 21 September 2006  Report this post
The opening verse struck me as lines for a song. It sets the scene for the piece, and the next two verses strengthen this.
Verse 4: perhaps
the path -
the trail -
as the semi-colon seems too intrusive.
Verses 5 and 6 become over-wordy from your need to seek expression.
instead of:
Somehow I still sit
wasting the gifts given to me
unintentionally letting life pass me by
until the answers I seek
there is no longer even a question

something like:
but still I sit
wasting gifts given
unintentionally [is it?] letting life pass
until answers
no longer have questions

Verse 6: is the last line needed?
Good acuity in choice of title.


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