In Essence by peardrops - WriteWords.org.uk

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In Essence

by peardrops

Posted: 22 November 2006
Word Count: 34

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The kaleidoscope of the mind
twists and sieves
miasmas of memory;
pixelled past pictures
crystallize colour
condensing life's aura
and sifting its soul,
distilling for ever
in spirit of love

The essence of us

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joanie at 12:43 on 25 November 2006 Report this post

Hi peardrops. I really enjoyed reading this aloud. I thought it would be better without the capitals at the start of the lines, because it flows so much better, and I also wondered whether you could have the last line stand alone.

The kaleidoscope of the mind
twists and sieves
miasmas of memory
pixelled past pictures
crystallize, colour
condensing life's aura
and sifting its soul
distilling for ever
in spirit of love

The essence of us

What do you think?

joanie

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peardrops at 16:18 on 25 November 2006 Report this post

Thanks,Joanie-your comments are much appreciated-I agree it sounds smoother and flows better.I'm just a beginner at this!!
-Regards,Mariel

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joanie at 17:28 on 25 November 2006 Report this post

Lovely, peardrops. You dropped the comma, too! Please don't think you have to do what I suggest - it's your poem and I'm no expert either! I really love it now, though.

joanie

<Added>

Sorry - I should have said 'Mariel'

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