I liked this very much - it's very good. But I think those couplets need to be single-spaced as a pair rather than double-spaced. Also there are one or two grammar points which need sorting - but otherwise great!

A
xxx

John,

I keep coming back to this - the transcend from above to below and the rooting in the earth. WHere did you get the human clay idea from. I had this exact feeling once when excavating a roman grave - the human that had turned to clay. Was really interesting.

Saz

This is quite provocative and I love the imagery; it has a nice feel of the mystic and ancient ruins. I think it looks good in all lower casing (with the exception of the 'G' on 'God' which gives the word itself some clout). My feeling is that you'd be better of with no commas at all, but that is just one opinion.
Beanie