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Hit me baby, one more time

by rwildman 

Posted: 06 February 2007
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Summary: Short film script (first draft) - approx. 5 minutes run-time: When a couple meet in a restaurant, not everything goes to plan but Henry finally makes a decision. One he knows he should have made a long time ago, but is it too late?

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Jubbly at 13:55 on 08 February 2007  Report this post
Hi Richard,

I really enjoyed reading this short. It's very visual and each twist and turn is a joy to uncover. It might be nice to inject some faux romance at the top, just to give it even more depth. Obviously at the beginning we're thinking he's going to dump her so it would be interesting to have a are they/aren't they subtext which is then totally blown away. I thought that line as he climbs the stairs - 'I told her I was leaving but only on my terms' sorry about the paraphrasing, I can't cut and paste for some reason, is a bit wordy. It just jarred and took me away from the mounting tension. Loved the ending, very clever. I was left wondering though if Jim would'nt perhaps have a little nudge or wink line to Henry suggesting that he knew Henry couldn't hurt him. I might be completely on the wrong track, so let me know.

Great stuff, what are you going to do with it?




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