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Love

by Zettel 

Posted: 10 February 2007
Word Count: 20


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Love


And if I take

just one breath

of love

a timeless pause

in life

then I have touched

eternity






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Comments by other Members



joanie at 09:40 on 11 February 2007  Report this post
Lovely, Zettel; the spacing, the economy, everything!

I love it.

joanie

tinyclanger at 11:01 on 11 February 2007  Report this post
Echo Joanie here, Z, just lovely. I think such profound subjects are often communicated so much better by brief, pared down pieces and this is a great example. You've said so much in your 20 words!
Excellent.
x
tc

Account Closed at 14:00 on 11 February 2007  Report this post
Hi Zettel,

I donít think this one works for me. Writing about love and eternity in a new way is not easy, because itís a theme often done. But your poem is successful in that the emotion is easily recognised, and many can enjoy that. For some that is enough.

Davina


Zettel at 19:54 on 11 February 2007  Report this post
Joannie, TC and Davina

Thanks for all the comments.

Just starting a poem called 'love' seems presumptuous. I agree with you tc that the effectiveness of poems on this most hackneyed of poetic subjects tends to be in inverse proportion to length. Which is why I just tried to express one idea as clearly and distilled as possible.

It is a good exercise for me in that it prevents me from being too analytical or wordy. Distillation is not my instinct but if I can improve it then it may improve to my longer poems.

Not just an exercise though - an effort to follow the heart not the mind.

regards

zettel

DJC at 21:59 on 11 February 2007  Report this post
Very nice, Zettel - I like the way you've spaced this out as it gives you time to read it. Makes me feel calm, which is what real love should do!

V`yonne at 15:18 on 12 February 2007  Report this post
It's just lovely. Less is more. And I think ther is nothing new about love. You just have to connect with people's emotions and I think this does.
But I'm new here.


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