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by rmol1950 

Posted: 06 April 2007
Word Count: 55
Summary: Here is my contibution to the week 54 challenge. It is also an attempt at a 55 word story. Re-written following Irene's helpfull comments.

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Frenzied blows shudder the heavy oak door. Then sudden silence. She clutches a knife, pressing her body against the door frame to stop herself trembling. Desperately holding her breath to quell the sobs, to listen. Then a sound of sniffing, and a whisper.
‘Let me in bitch. I know you’re there. I can smell you.’

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Comments by other Members

ireneintheworld at 19:36 on 06 April 2007  Report this post
hi there stalker

i thought you did a great job with this; very tense atmosphere in such a tiny piece, very well done.

i would just mention that you used 'door' and 'silence' twice. maybe you could've got something else in there.

please ignore me. it's a great piece of work.



sorry, i've just called you stalker. i'm having a few bad days...full of senior moments!

Jumbo at 23:27 on 06 April 2007  Report this post

Very good. So much emotion and absolute terror wrapped up in those few words.


Then the sound of sniffing, and a whisper.

... really lays it on.

It made me wonder what was on the other side of that door! Was it human? Or something MUCH worse?

Thanks for the read


rmol1950 at 08:50 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
Irene and John
Thank you for reading this and glad you liked it. Hoefully not everybody thinks it is autobiographical but now you mention it I quite like the pen name Stalker.

Irene you are right about the repetition and I re-wrote it after reading your comments, but am not sure I can change it now that I have posted it for the week 54 challenge.

Jumbo at 09:46 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
mol / stalker / Richard

Go ahead and change it!! It's all part of the rewrite process - and no-one will mind!!



rmol1950 at 11:40 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
I will, thanks.

haunted at 14:17 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
Creepy little horror flash, Richard.

A lot of atmosphere in so few words. The sniffing gives it an unusual edge.


V`yonne at 16:57 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
Wouldn't open that door for all the T in C!

rosiedlm at 18:26 on 07 April 2007  Report this post
Excellent flash. Reminds me of Jack Nicholson's character in 'The Shining'. I shudder when I remember him saying "Honey, I'm home!"

Great stuff,

Prospero at 04:40 on 08 April 2007  Report this post
For me it was Hannibal Lecter and Clareeecccceee. Wonderfully atmospheric Richard.



rmol1950 at 09:27 on 08 April 2007  Report this post
Thanks to everybody for the encouragement. I wanted it to be really creepy and it has started a germ of an idea.

Bandy Bundy at 10:17 on 13 April 2007  Report this post
Hi Richard,

You've accomplished a great deal in so few words.

This really could be the start of something or the end of a long drawn out trauma.


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