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by rmol1950 

Posted: 07 July 2007
Word Count: 204
Summary: Hello again everybody. I've been away awhile but keen to get back to writing. Here is my contribution to the week 67 challenge.

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He stood naked at the open window, forehead pressed against the cool glass, feeling dull and heavy after a restless sleep in the hot airless room. The cold air was good on his damp skin and he opened his eyes to the milky light of a huge rising moon. Lunar craters glittered like jewels in the clear cold night and he smiled at the sheer beauty of it.
A bat flickered in and out of the shadows and an owl screeched. Then a long moan came from beneath the duvet on the bed behind him.
‘I’m coooooold.’
‘How can you be cold wrapped in a bloody arctic quilt with the central heating on full blast?’
‘Come to bed. You’ll freeze.’
‘I’m trying to cool down.’
‘If you didn’t thrash around like a maniac you wouldn’t get too hot. I swear you’re going to murder me in your sleep one night. What were you dreaming about tonight anyway?’
‘I was probably saving you from a fate worse than death.’
Tousled blond hair and one eye appeared from beneath the duvet. ‘What’s that then?’
‘I’ll get back into bed and show you in a minute.’
She chuckled. ‘In your dreams. Don’t you realise we’re thermally incompatible.’

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Comments by other Members

joolsk at 18:02 on 07 July 2007  Report this post
Hi Richard,

This gave a me a good laugh - I loved the last line especially contrasted against a few gothic signposts - moon, bat, owl.

Nice one!


Jordan789 at 06:37 on 08 July 2007  Report this post
good read. nice descriptions to lull the reader into the place of the story. only suggestion i'd have is to add a bit more between the dialogue tags, options could be: to help keep the reader aware of who is talking; to intertwine some thoughts or revealing actions; to slow down the ping pong battle of quick dialogue; and last but not least, to add a bit more to the characters.

Account Closed at 09:02 on 08 July 2007  Report this post
Love the domestic humour in this one, and the description at the start is great! I'm so sure my husband and I have had this conversation, in different ways, several times, tee hee!!



V`yonne at 13:58 on 08 July 2007  Report this post
Aha! The menopausal nightmare! My hubby is always telling me I'd be cooler if I lay still. I think he may be suggesting VERY STILL! some nights. V Good

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