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Covered in Dust

by wordman67 

Posted: 28 July 2007
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Summary: A family struggles to deal with the aftermath of the attacks of September 11th, 2001.

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Jubbly at 10:12 on 14 August 2007  Report this post
Hi Ken,

Sorry it's taken so long to read this. It's a very compelling story and certainly throws up lots dilemmas to consider. I like the back telling of the story and the ending is very powerful. I feel at the moment it is slightly overwritten in terms of dialogue, that's just my opinion of course. The characters talk alot and quite of lot of what they say could be an interior monologue, let the audience do some work too. I felt this particularly with Stella. She seemed a lot older than her years and the sort of girl who would have no trouble convincing her mother to fund her Paris trip without resorting to the tactics she does. She also seems quite unaffected by the deal she's set up but then that could be because we are reading the story in retrospect and have already informed opinons. The writing is very visual and has a powerful effect and of course the story is as resonant now as ever. Perhaps the first scene should be a bit later, say June 2002, when there has been more time lapsed for Bruce to back out of his deal, and the dust to settle, so to speak. Just a thought. If you haven't already I think you should have a rehearsed reading with a few actors and get some feedback. This is a really good piece with a lot going for it and I wish you all the best. I do hope I've been helpful.




Forgot to say, Diane says she spends $50 a month on her cellphone bills then says she spends six grand a year, surely that should be $600, just a typo I think.

wordman67 at 15:28 on 14 August 2007  Report this post
Thanks for your good comments. I've still got lots of work to do on this. As in any early draft of mine, the characters do speak too explicitly. I much prefer keeping things slightly cryptic. Much of that excess baggage will be cut in time, I'm sure. And thank you for your analysis of Stella. She is a difficult character for me to get a handle on; I'll have to re-examine her. I want her situation, and her reaction to it, to be believable.
The next step, I guess, is to gather some actors and hear this read.
I really appreciate your feedback. Cheers.

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