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by kim 

Posted: 04 October 2003
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Anna Reynolds at 16:32 on 07 October 2003  Report this post
Kim, this was a great read- funny and fast paced. I really liked thinking it was a proper race ie. running, marathon or something- then the payoff of realising it's actually a shopping contest. The flash backwards and forwards- these can prove tricky in a short film as you don't have long to make your audience feel safe with the characters before they're plunged into the action, but you pull it off, I think, by making each scene very clear and cleanly described, particularly those with Andy- very simply done and easy to grasp and funny, even when tragic. I suppose at some level I'm asking why? about Nikki's compulsion to do this when it must be clear to her that she's putting the race before everything else and losing her man, but again, it's so much fun that you probably get away with it. And the revenge tactic from Jes works, probably because by then we almost want Nikki to get her comeuppance. It feels like confident writing. I wonder if you can't be even more economical, because again, shorts always need to be as simple as possible, telling a larger story through a snapshot and all that, but it's a pleasure to read. Have you ideas about where to go with it or had any feedback from anywhere with it?

kim at 21:49 on 08 October 2003  Report this post
Anna, thanks for your comments. I entered this into Kaosfilms short script competition last year - it got to the last 30 or so. But I haven't pursued any other options as yet. Not sure what to do really. Any suggestions?

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