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Slings and Arrows

by Barney 

Posted: 13 October 2003
Word Count: 100
Summary: To be posted on writewords or not to be posted on writewords... that is the question.


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A warm place, a loaded gun
A suicidal conundrum:
Sitting here I am at peace
(Gripping tightly this polished piece)
And very soon all problems will cease
But then so will I.
Thatís one in the eye
For all those I owe
But one in the stones
For all those I know
And love. A quandary, a groan,
Dirty laundry and a bar of soap.
But no will to wash it clean.
(Aye, thereís the rub a dub, dub.)
Now nothingís as it seems
So Iíll just sit still and wait some
In a warm place, with a loaded gun.






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Comments by other Members



olebut at 15:04 on 13 October 2003  Report this post
Barney

is it something about poets that requires us all to write about suicide I have written a number of poems on this subject some are posted on here.

Perhaps it is not just our own thoughts when feeling very low but the emotional blackness and finality of the subject that appeals to our creative sleves.

a few suggestions but purley based on my style

I think you should consider removing the capitals at the start of each line, where no preceeding full stop and possibly lengthening the lines i.e

[/] A warm place, a loaded gun a suicidal conundrum:
Sitting here I am at peace
(Gripping tightly this polished piece)
very soon all problems will cease, but then so will I.
Thatís one in the eye for all those I owe,
but one in the stones for all those I know.

but again these are only my suggestions

I hope that the poem only reflects a poetic view o a situation and is not more personal. If the later I hope that posting it helps life does seem to go on and writing I find certainly helps

take care

david



<Added>

sory I realised after pressing the submit button that I ha dnot mentioned what a fine piece this is

D

Barney at 22:59 on 15 October 2003  Report this post
Thank you David. I have never in my life felt like this... thankfully it is all just dramatic licence! Your comments are, as ever, appreciated.

One thing. I know it's a typo, but please don't change it - I love the idea of creative sleeves! There's a poem there somewhere!

Barney

olebut at 08:13 on 16 October 2003  Report this post
Barney

I am very pleased you haven't but pehrpas that makes your poem even more effective as you have managed to go to this dark place in your mind only.

as for the creative sleeves perhpas we all slide them overto hide our true selves

take care
david

spud at 13:18 on 17 October 2003  Report this post
Barney

Once again you've written a piece that, although I know is a serious subject, I think you've managed to add a touch of black humour to, and it really does appeal.

In answer to the question you posed - the answer is a resounding yes.

More please

Spud

Account Closed at 20:32 on 17 October 2003  Report this post
Wonderfully Byronic, with added darkness too - great stuff!

Anne B


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