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maybe I`m pregnant as well

by charyzma 

Posted: 01 June 2008
Word Count: 46
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maybe I'm pregnant as well

and when I come home carrying
the burden of my experience
no one will recognize me

my legs swollen with their big load
will damage the bridge
with a loud thump

the new born child
won't be able to get back






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V`yonne at 23:29 on 04 July 2008  Report this post
Do you know I liked the first three lines here so much that I think they are a poem in themselves and that nothing more is needed. The other ideas could go into a second poem.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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charyzma at 20:34 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
Thank you for your comment ,I must say I didn' t look at it that way ,thank you
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charyzma at 22:11 on 07 July 2008  Report this post
I did submit the poem but in full version as it is. I can see your point and it is very intersting ,but at the stage of my live when it was written more importent for me was fact, that new born child won' t be able to get back. I was really suprised when I learned that. Can you see what I' m trying to say?
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V`yonne at 22:12 on 07 July 2008  Report this post
Good luck with it.
Read the WriteWords interview with Oonah Joslin (V`yonne)
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charyzma at 22:14 on 07 July 2008  Report this post
This poem was written really naturally ,there is planty of emotions in it I' m not sure would it be the same if I changed it. Still I respect your opinion and I agree with you.You noticed something interesting ,but itsn' t subject of the poem.
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