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Swan Song

by riderainclouds 

Posted: 25 June 2008
Word Count: 273
Summary: I'm not quite sure myself, but I take it as a a faraway soldier's wish to live on through his distant child.


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I am a soldier
whose time is quickly fading
Broken promises, waiting
for the flower I sold her

My name’s now a number
and I fight for fortune
But soon I’ll return for
my memories, tortured

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

Once I was broken
But now Chance has spoken
And their faces are fading
forever engraving;
my epitaphic bust
on this lonely rock face:
“These moments are ephemeral;
It’s the glory I lust”

The sun told the clouds
about its bloody story
my portent of glory
their augury of innocence
and I’ll be remembered
once they’re born in December

So if I’m immortal
please tell them my story
I know it feels easy
to put me to rest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

I hear the crying
of children undying
Their soft hearts are beating
Their shadows now fleeting
my name’s held aloft
on her pregnant breast

Slow recollection
through their first inquiries
They will be told what’s
forgotten by history
And I’ll not be lost
in time’s great collection
In the dusk of their eyes
I’ll live on through memory

Where my bullets burned brightly
my soul will sigh lightly
And I will come home again
Flowers in hand and then
I’ll live forever
as my dying bequest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and breathing comes easy
once you open your chest

Sell me your vision
my blind eyes are bloodied
and dreaming comes easy
once you’ve flown from the nest…






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Comments by other Members



Florence at 14:18 on 25 July 2008  Report this post
I don't know why, but I liked this poem the further on I read. I particularly like the recurring refrain which reminds the reader the soldier's already dying. The fourth verse (once I was broken...)I think halts the flow of the poem slightly - the verses before and after are rooted very much in the soldier's current predicament and his wishes for his future children - wheras V4 seems slightly abstract and disjointed from both these aspects. Have you thought about editing it down slightly to improve the flow?

I'm always impressed though when I read something of this length with an overarching theme - I always chicken out really early and cant get past 2/3 verses!

Hope that helps, F


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