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Death By Numbers

by tusker 

Posted: 03 July 2008
Word Count: 375
Summary: For the Transparency flash challengle.


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Angie loves numbers. They predict when she can kill. Now she waits at the bus stop outside number 1, Florence Street but, her secret voice reminds her that number 1 is a sign for harmony. Shuddering, Angie crosses the road to loiter outside number 2.

'Discord,' her secret voice says and, as it speaks, a bus disgorges a passenger. 'Death,' her crafty voice whispers with an expectant chuckle.

Worms of excitement wriggle in Angie's brain as she keeps pace with the woman and, as she follows, she admires the long skirt her eleventh victim is wearing with its swirling folds of bronzes,greens and earthy browns.

The woman, red hair flowing, glances over in her direction and it seems to Angie as if her future victim is floating on booted feet. Angie frowns, a little disturbed by the illusion.

'She's a witch,' the sly voice mutters.

'Don't be daft,' Angie replies with three blinks of her eyes.

The woman stops outside a house with no number. Angie mentally counts back to all the house numbers she has passed, remembering only number 8 with its discarded bed outside the front door, the same number as yesterday's victim who'd lived across town in Willow Close.

Angie, crossing the road, heads towards the woman. The woman smiles as she draws near. 'I've ben expecting you,' she says and Angie sees, in the woman's right hand, a key to her front door; a door with a brass plaque that reads, "Charlotte, Medium and Scionmancer."

Angie's secret voice starts whimpering and Charlotte's smile widens as if she can hear. 'I've watched you through shadows,' she says. 'I've witnessed your terrible deeds.' Now Angie's secret voice begins to wail. 'Your colour is black,' Charlotte continues in a calm tone. 'I can see it, a black transparency like a deadly mist, shrouding your body, your shadow, your soul.'

Suddenly, a terrified scream leaks out from Angie's brain struggling to get into her mouth, her ears and nasal passages and, as the screams grow louder, Angie collapses, her heart exploding inside her chest.

Stepping towards the prostrate form, Charlotte utters a quiet invocation while covering Angie's face with her hand. There she squats, trapping the demon, waiting for its screams to curdle and die.






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Comments by other Members



V`yonne at 16:15 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
Ooooh what a blood-curdling tale of exorcism. Very good, Jen. I was waiting for the number on the door to be impropitious or something but you turned that on its head )

Loved:

' I can see it, a black transparency like a deadly mist, shrouding your body, your shadow, your soul.'

Forbes at 16:41 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
Jennifer this was horrible. And I mean that in a good way!! Should we be a little worried about you? you were so convincing!!

A prolific killer this - she' s out 4 victims in 24 hours! She needed to be stopped.

TFR

Avis

tusker at 16:54 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
Thanks Oonah. Glad you liked it. I' m in one of those moods, this week.

Jennifer

tusker at 16:55 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
Thanks Avis. Don' t worry, I keep my fangs in the drawer by the side of the bed. My potions in the bathroom.

Jennifer

Forbes at 17:06 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
...Not in a glass?

Avis )

Elbowsnitch at 21:09 on 03 July 2008  Report this post
Excellent story, Jennifer. The preoccupation with numbers so typical of a certain type of mental illness. We assume Charlotte' s going to be arged, then Angie becomes the victim! I love

' Discord,' her secret voice says and, as it speaks, a bus disgorges a passenger.


Worms of excitement wriggle in Angie' s brain


There she squats, trapping the demon, waiting for its screams to curdle and die.


Definitely one for Microhorror!

Frances




tusker at 14:08 on 04 July 2008  Report this post
Thanks Frances. Will give them a go.

Jennifer

titania177 at 21:11 on 05 July 2008  Report this post
Ooh, Jennifer, I held my breath throughout. I was not expecting this to go the way it did, I really like it. Send it out (and the demon too)!

Tania

tusker at 05:36 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
Thanks Tania.

Jennifer

crowspark at 08:45 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
Hi Jennifer,

Great opener plus numerology and a secret voice. How can I not read on?

' Discord,' her secret voice says and, as it speaks, a bus disgorges a passenger. ' Death,' her crafty voice whispers with an expectant chuckle.

This trails your ending nicely as does your word choice

a bus disgorges a passenger


Love the door with no number and

a brass plaque that reads, "Charlotte, Medium and Scionmancer."


I wasn' t sure about
Suddenly, a terrified scream leaks
but I decided I prefer it to floods. (Don' t think you need "out")

Terrific story. MicroHorror or Bewildering Stories might like this.

Good luck with your submissions.

Thanks for a gripping read.

tusker at 09:35 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
Thanks Bill, it' s good to know I can scare readers a little.

Jennifer

Jumbo at 11:51 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
Jennifer

Two wonderful characters and a great premise. Loved that opening sentence - a great hook into the rest of the piece.

The inner voices really add something to Angie' s already scary personna, and the ' worms of excitement' phrase puts us right inside her head.

I agree with Bill about that sentence towards the end - the ' suddenly' one and I wondered if you should just the ' suddenly' ? Just a thought.

Anyway, a great read. Thanks for sharing this.

All the best

john


Prospero at 11:59 on 06 July 2008  Report this post
How on earth did I miss this! It is fantastic, Jennifer, in every meaning of that much abused word. Bill, would be your man for a suitable venue. Incidentally, what is a Scionmancer? I have not come across that before.

Best

Prosp

tusker at 07:14 on 07 July 2008  Report this post
Many thanks Bill and John.

To answer your question, John, sciomancy is predicting by shadows or manes. When I checked, I didn' t realise how many ways there are to predict. Fascinating.

Jennifer

Desormais at 08:24 on 25 May 2011  Report this post
This was terrific, really gripping Jennifer, right from the start. Did it get published? Surely so.

Thanks for the read, this was before my time on WW.

Sandra

tusker at 08:51 on 25 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks Sandra.

Yes, Bws published it.

Jennifer

fiona_j at 13:09 on 25 May 2011  Report this post
Hello,

This is an excellent story, very creepy and the ending was perfect.

Glad to hear it was published.

Well done,

Fi

jenzarina at 19:37 on 25 May 2011  Report this post
This was so much fun, I loved the mystical cat-and-mouse game, really clever.

tusker at 05:58 on 26 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks Jennifer.

Jennifer (2)

Bunbry at 18:14 on 26 May 2011  Report this post
Hi Jennifer, well done on getting this published, although it does make it far too late for me to give any advice

As a point of interest, after all this time, is there anything you would do differently?

Nick

dharker at 05:56 on 27 May 2011  Report this post
Dark! ... and brilliant! Loved this Jennifer! I love the internal conversation and the twist at the end was pure genius! Thank you for bringing this back to our attention! I'm not surprised it got published...

Dave

tusker at 09:49 on 27 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks Fi, glad you enjoyed a shiver.

Jennifer

tusker at 10:04 on 27 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks for your comment and question, Nick.

Would I do anything differently? The version published was a bit longer than what's in my WW file, as far as I remember.

Once upon a time, when I wrote long short stories, they took me weeks. I was like a dart player unable to let go of the dart but once a story was published, I didn't think about it again, apart from 2 special ones. The ones that didn't get published, languished in an old fashioned file where, sometimes, I took out ideas from them. Now they've been torn up and recycled in our paper collection.

With flash ficiton, the only records I have are ones written for forums and are in my WW file. All unsuccessful ones on my home computer are delted. It's no good regretting or churning over them, as far as I'm concerned.

Poetry though is different. They are written down and put into a lovely fat carboard file. Each poem is like a painting for me, you can change, add shape and sounds of a poem. Also they are much more personal to me as each one I really identify with.

Sorry for this long explanation. I think, I've reached a stage in life when I think if it doesn't work, get rid of it.

Jennifer

tusker at 10:06 on 27 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks Dave.

Sometimes I go through a horror phase. Glad you enjoyed.

Jennifer

Gerry at 05:55 on 29 May 2011  Report this post

Terrific. For me, this had pretty much the lot - pace, drama and some lovely writing. I thought
waiting for its screams to curdle and die
was gorgeous, as were those worms. And to make the absence of a number significant was a nice ironic twist I really enjoyed. Thanks, Jennifer.

tusker at 06:34 on 29 May 2011  Report this post
Thanks Gerry.


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