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Activities Day
Posted: 23 July 2008
Word Count: 123
Summary: Harder work than working, but we had a great time!
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Go in
up to your knees
was the instruction.
So why did Luke rip off his shirt
and how could Carl walk on the
pebbles without his trainers
and no wonder Chloe shrieked
when her arms got caught up
in seaweed.
Be sensible
and leave
no litter.
Apart from the torn plastic
cups discarded when the Danish Long Ball
game started and Alex tipped his
packed lunch out completely
unintentionally because
he saw a worm.
Shhhhh..
unless you see
a wasp.
We are not even going to go there
because the whole day out was
almost destroyed with the sight of
that tiny striped thing and the girls'
toilets emptied in seconds in a riot
of screams.
The bus home
was absolute
bliss.
 Comments by other Members
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Posted by :
 Mickey at 12:24 on 25 July 2008
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Hi Joanie, This is great. I don't know how you teachers cope in school much less on 'Activity' days out (we just used to get a coach to Box Hill when I was a kid and sit around with warm orange juice and limp sarnies!) What on Earth is Danish Long Ball? As far as the poem is concerned, I like the way it encapsulates the way you have to keep your eye on each child. It reminded me of that Joyce Grenfell monologue. Excellent!
<Added>
The poem, like the bus home, is absolute bliss
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Posted by :
FelixBenson at 12:28 on 25 July 2008
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Hi Joanie
This really made me smile, and I like the rhythm/style you have chosen
The contrast between the slow and emphasised teacher's/adult's voice:
Be sensible
and leave
no litter. |
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and the fast run on style which really conveys that hectic atmosphere!
I think in line there 7 might be a typo - shrieked instead of shreaked?
Really apt ending...;-)
Best , Kirsty
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Posted by :
joanie at 12:34 on 25 July 2008
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Mike and Kirsty, thanks very much! Thanks for the typo, Kirsty - I'm not sure what happened there!
Glad you both enjoyed it and that the slow/fast style came across.
joanie
<Added>
Mike, I'm not too sure what Dansih Long Ball is, but the all seemed to rush to join in when it was announced. 'Knackered' is also popular; apparently there's an awful lot of running about involved. Everything is organised by the PE Department, who have fantastic control! I just let them get on with it.
I love Joyce Grenfell Monolgues.
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Posted by :
Tina at 09:50 on 27 July 2008
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Hi Joanie
Enjoyed this a lot - having 'been there' can relate to so much of what you so skillfully say.
Made me think of that song,
"Didn't we have a loverly time the day we went to Bangor?"
I like the gaps and spacing you have used which takes us on a journey along your poem - as the day progressed so does the writing.I think you have a strong start and an equally strong ending. Also as others have siad it makes me smile which is great.
Also I like this longer style for you as you have written so many compact poems it is good to see this variety.
Thanks really enjoyed
Tina
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Posted by :
joanie at 23:01 on 28 July 2008
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Thanks for your response, Tina. I'm pleased that you enjoyed it, and thanks for confirming that I really ought to write longer poems from time to time!
joanie
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